Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Twilight Invasion

If I can live forever, what will I live for?

…and again, I began this post with an “if”. They say that it is almost impossible to blog without mentioning Twilight or at least Edward Cullen. So I gave in but this is not a post to praise his perfect features or how his role was well-loved by the others. It is about finding myself astonished in the quote above and imagined that if I have eternity, what will I actually live for.

Today I am living for myself. Just for myself. Maybe I am an essentially selfish creature but I don’t care. I crave for my happiness too much. I am just seventeen and there is so much that I want to do. I mean SO MUCH. I attend school to fulfill myself at least before I die. I mingle with others to make myself entertained and happy at least before I die. I do everything that will satisfy my being at least before I die… and if I have forever, I do not know if I will still be the same because I won’t have the same reason for doing everything I feel like doing. Maybe I won’t blog at all because the primary reason why I blog is because I want a proof for my existence. You know, something more trustworthy that an etch of my name on the sand or a fragile diary, and if I am to live forever, as in eternity, I don’t need a proof at all because I will be a living evidence.

If I will live forever, maybe I’ll just sleep all day. I won’t be bothered that I am not able to do this and that because I have all the time to try and experience. I have infinites of tomorrow so my motto will be, “Don’t do today what you can do for tomorrow,” and I won’t be worried at all because I surely have that particular tomorrow in me. I won’t be thinking about my decisions because even if I commit tons of mistakes, I have all the time to correct them and make them right. I’ll just sleep and in my deep sleep I’ll dream about what if’s again. What if my life has a limitation that I will be mortal? Maybe then, I will be living life.

If I will live forever, maybe I’ll be living for others and not just for myself alone, for i got forever and they have more or less eighty years. I might not be this selfish as I am now. If people need to choose between me and another one, I’ll gladly give my space because they have limited time and I have forever so they might as well live the most of it. I’ll give them everything to make them happy at least before they die. I won’t make friends and neither will I love someone… because if I do, I’ll just be punishing myself. I will be watching them age and change while I stare at them, helplessly and hopelessly, thinking about those times when we are young and worry-free. I don’t want to watch them go because meeting them and loosing them means that I have to be bothered thinking about them for forever until such time that the new generation comes and I have to search for another déjà vu.

If I can live forever, maybe I won’t live at all. After all, life is the sweetest form of torture. Why will I choose to torture myself for eternity?

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