Friday, November 28, 2008

Farewell to Her

Today, I received a very shocking and bad news. One of my closest friend’s (actually a suitor from the past) mother passed away last night. I was really surprised, partly because it has been years since I heard the last news that says a member of the family died even if they’re still young and partly because there were couple of times when my friend introduced me to her mom and she was really nice to me. I felt that I was so welcomed to their family. She had all the energy and enthusiasm and I felt that life is just beginning for her. I never imagined that I will be seeing her inside a coffin.

I was supposed to go to the dentist to have my braces arranged. I did. It has been a routine for months now and who knows that while opening my mouth and imagining what the dentist is doing with my teeth, she’ll be giving me the news that caused me to be out of my mind until I finally got home and splash my face in the cold water of reality. I texted my friend immediately to give him my condolences and at least let him know that I was affected by the news even though we haven’t seen and talk to each other for quite some time. I really was so affected. I wanted to let him know about my real feelings- that I truly feel sorry for what happened and being his friend, I felt that I was not able to do what I should be doing during that time that he needed me the most (I mean the time when his mother is critical and surely, prayers and words of encouragement are so much appreciated). I regret that I heard the news quite late. I want him to know that I am feeling his hurting, especially today that he isn’t replying to any message I am sending. If I were in his position, I’ll be doing the same. I will also not answer back because I want to be alone and think of the good times I’ve spent with my mother. It maybe weird and irrational but people are just like that. They yearn for their privacy during the time that they need other’s help. I clearly understand why he cannot send a message to me. What will he say? Thank you for your care? I am okay? I appreciate your condolences? If I were him, I’ll turn my mobile phone off and just open it during the time that I am already ready to answer questions about my mom’s tragic death. He is not ready and to discern that people already know what happened without me telling them is something to think about. Surely, everyone’s effort to at least feel sympathy is very much appreciated but then I know I that I don’t feel exactly what he is feeling.can never imagine how impaired he is at the moment.

I’ll be going to the wake and the burial maybe on Saturday or Sunday or both, hoping that somehow I’ll help him handle some of his loneliness. I don’t know exactly the words to say and the things to do as his friend. The truth is that the last time a member of my family died is eleven years ago and it was my grandfather whom I was not that close. I was six years old then and I just cried because everyone was crying also. I don’t have any idea and experience about the feeling of losing someone as special as a mother. The thought already scares me. I am quite positive that at some point, my presence will be appreciated. It’s always like that. Whenever something heartbreaking happened, people may not be able to show their positive reception because what dominates them is the melancholy caused by the death (and you don’t want them to pretend that they are actually okay although they aren’t) but I’ll still be going there just to let him know that whatever happens, I’ll still be his friend who is caring quietly, that he doesn’t need to carry the burden all by himself because I am one of his friends whom he can tell everything he needs to let out.

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