Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I Almost Died (an exaggeration)

Today I am worn-out. No. Not actually worn-out. I am more of an exhausted little lady, finding herself sitting on a very uncomfortable chair, grumbling of hunger and back aches, facing the monitor, worrying about her dear eyes and making a new blog post for the blog she loves so much. I am actually not supposed to be here (I mean, in a computer cafe). It's just that I have home works to do (and I was just thinking that the Internet is such an easy way compared to books. the lazy me) In fact, I got about five or six and I haven't started yet. Instead, I am giving my blog spot the attention that is supposed to be owned by academics.

Today is just Wednesday (and if I said JUST. it's actually because, it's just the second day of the school week). I still have two more days to go before I finally reach home, my haven, my real refuge. Yesterday was great (and I'll be blogging all about it on Saturday maybe) but today was exhausting. 'twas okay in a sense that "okay" is a great word that you can actually take it as a substitute to the following words: blank, happy, alright, a bit lonely, a bit awful (and it's up to you to guess which among those am I feeling today. Those who got it correctly will have a special price from me. Wink). I stayed in my university from seven o' clock until five thirty a while ago and if it was just the stay, there is actually no problem with me. 'twas actually the wait for professors who aren't really coming (and got no conscience to at least tell their students that they're waiting for no one), the long walks while being so nervous that your instructor got no heart for your lame excuses (which they don't usually accept even though it's valid. So why ask? They don't understand that you even got no time to breathe), the one hour "ample" vacant hour to travel from the gymnasium to the College of Arts and Letters and line to the queue of people and eat and re-touch yourself so they don't notice that you almost died, and finally, the thing that exhausts me the most is the thought that he is not with me (though he's staying in my heart).

I feel like I am going to vomit and oh, my apologies to those readers who are about to eat their meal, but it's an honest statement. Really, it wasn't any sort of exaggeration. When I think about what happened today, it exhausts me more. Maybe because this isn't just any physical exhaustion, this is mental tiredness, too. When I think about what I've learned, I am having that particular feeling that I'll forgetting it sooner or later (perhaps later). Maybe because I am not used to leaving my boarding house just the time the sun is making her way between those high and foggy mountains and coming home when the sky is dark blue and street lights mark their authority on my poor tired face. Sometimes it's heavenly to see those traffic lights colored orange, yellow and red. It somehow reminds me of rainbows, always smiling just after the rain. At some point, street lights make me feel relieved because finally, nighttime is coming and so is sleeping. It's like the rain's done. After all, 'twas the night sleep that makes me ready for the whole big busy day. It's never the breakfast or a cup of coffee. It's the sleep... and the dreams. Those were some of the things that keep me going and moving.

I never wanted to believe that this is an early hell week but I am feeling that it seems like one. I remembered that I missed this a lot last semestral break and now that I am now back in the race, there's a part of me that instructs me to just sleep all day and take so much time to care about myself. After all, I deserve one (because I was sick yesterday and don't worry, I am not going to blog it today. It's just that it deserves a post which is uplifting and cheerful) but hey, there's a bigger part of me that commands that I shouldn't absent myself from my classes. That's something serious especially to me who really strives best just to maintain a perfect attendance.

Today is just Wednesday and sad to say, I am home sick this early. Maybe I need some sleep. Maybe I need some company, someone who can still manage to uplift me despite of the exhaustion. Maybe I need a shoulder in which my head will tilt and just cherish the moments. Maybe I need to do (or should I say START) all of the tasks which I am supposed to accomplish. So long, BRB (maybe on Saturday).
As I promised, I put a picture.

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