Friday, November 21, 2008

Igniting the Passion

I have been dancing for six years now. I do it sometimes for money, sometimes for leisure and sometimes for the fulfillment of my responsibilities. Now that I am in college, one of my Physical Education subjects is Modern Dancing. I must admit that when I engaged into the subject, I was unarmored. I really had no idea on what to dance (Although I was dancing for the past six years, I wasn’t that particular to what those dances are called so I expected that Modern Dance is something much more intense that street dance).

So ‘twas actually the rebellion of a ballet. Our second dance lesson was a film-viewing of how the dance really looks like. I saw it as much more intense kind of ballet. ‘twas a ballet plus rolling, jumping and shaking, discipline and with art. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t looking forward to our dance lessons ever since I saw that Modern Dance is completely different from Street Dance not until our fourth dance lesson, which happened to be yesterday.

After the warm-ups and the passionate conditioning our body for movements, our instructor told us to lie down the floor with feet together and arms stretched on both sides. I felt my whole body. I felt my pulse. I felt my life. Then the instructed us to raise our chests upwards, feeling the stretch (and the pain) in our backs. I felt the stretch. I felt my limitations. I felt like I was surrendering myself to the One who knows me the most. I wanted to cry, not because I felt back aches but because I was slapped to the reality that though I believe in myself, I still have those insecurities and instabilities. Though I do everything to be the person I want myself to be, still I have my limitations. It felt so good to be reminded about what’s true. Next, the instructor told us to raise our foot and arms. I do it sometimes, just checking how flexible my joints are but in that instance, I was shaking. I was trembling and I am sure that it was not because of any pain but because of certain realizations I made while performing the dance. We are asked to lie in our stomachs and reach backwards until the point that we are kneeling. I was looking at the ceiling but nevertheless, I was looking beyond the ceiling. I was reflecting about those people I disappointed a lot, those things I was supposed to be doing but I wasn’t able to do, and those things that I’ve done but I wasn’t supposed to do. I was sorry. I was apologizing because I know that Someone is listening and I was amazed to realize that I had those realizations in while I was just dancing for an hour. While performing more exercises, I felt beads of sweat in my forehead, down to my eyes, to the bridge of my nose and cheeks and lips and neck. For the first time, I appreciated perspiration. It felt so good to feel the warmth of my praying body. It felt so good to remember those times when I perspired a lot and cared about how I looked like. That particular instance, I did not care. Maybe I looked like someone insane. Maybe I looked like someone who had been harassed and forced. I did not care. It did not matter anymore, especially when I realized that what’s inside matters more than what people are externally seeing. I know myself than how they know me and He knows me more than I know myself. I was not thirsty and wasn’t hungry. I felt like I am already full of the blessings showering in my life. I felt that it was the greatest thing I've done with my body.

Dancing has been one of my passions in life. It’s one of those things that I’ll do without even complaining and without exhausting, especially now that I find an hour for refuge and realizations, especially now that I was reminded that I still have lots of rooms for improvements, especially now that I was humble down to acknowledge my limitations.

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