Sunday, November 30, 2008

An Indirect Love Letter

This is some sort of acknowledgement for my college friend. His name is Ricardo Saladas, a block mate, a Math major, too, a friend. Ric for short (so, you’re getting famous in here. You might as well thank me for that. Ha-ha!). We had this little conversation a while ago, a yahoo messenger chat. Some sort of what are you doing and how’s Math in your life. Some sort of thank you yesterday and you’re always welcome. I said that I was updating my blog minutes before we talked. He asked for the link and I sent it to him. The last time he saw it was I think, last October, when I was still hibernating on blogland, when I haven’t reach my heyday of writing. He was, I think, kind of surprised after seeing that I posted a lot since his last check. He said “wow”. He browsed the page and saw some posts which triggered his interest.

I smiled after his first comment. He said that my blog was some sort of an indirect love letter. He said that it was a write-up of something that I want others to know but I cannot say directly. I think he is right. He knows it. I mean, he knows whom I am doing this for. He knows my intention, not my whole intentions but part of it. He knows that some of the posts there are exclusively for someone of high importance.

I am writing for myself, primarily, because I want to reflect on this some time in my life, when things aren’t how they used to be, when things have changed completely. I want to be reminded about my thoughts and perceptions. I want to know who I am in the past and what made me like this in the present. Somehow, I will have a clue on what I’ll be like in the future. As I always repeat, I want to make this a history and make myself immortalize thru this blog. It may fail, yes, but somehow, this is more trustworthy than an etch of my name in the sand where things usually meet and also separated. I want to mark my existence even if it’s nothing to most of the world. Secondly, yes, I am admitting that I post some of the stuff here because I know that he will come to a point of coming across this blog and read the things I want him to know, those things which are better left unsaid but worthy of knowing, those things which I cannot say directly and this blog is the perfect escape. So Ric is right, I think. I also agree that this blog is some sort of an indirect love letter that contains a “To: Mr. Anonymous” in the top part of every post and signed with love by me. It’s invisible and can only be seen by those chosen and special people who know me, or at least, know me better than how the casual people see me.

I am astonished at the fact that even though I don’t include names in a particular post, people who know me will know whom I am talking about. I don’t know if it’s called conscience or the inner self but whatever it is, it’s naturally amazing.

Sometimes, people’s comments are what remind me of reality. For instance, the indirect love letter. I have that concept in my mind but it was blurred and unclear. I was not very particular about it and it happened to be that Ric was the one who formulated the perfect term for the stuff. Thanks to him that I was able to realize some realizations regarding my reasons of writing.


saveyoursoul said...

I like that analogy. made me smile.

Rhaingel said...

I am glad to know that I make people smile. It makes me smile, too. :)

Rhaingel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.