Saturday, November 15, 2008

Just Before I Close My Eyes

Yester night, I found it quite hard to make some sleep. It’s not insomnia or any sleeping disorder. It happens once in a while (maybe once or twice in two weeks) and never did I need a sleeping pill to cure my well-being. ‘twas natural and it’s just another I-find-it-really-hard-to-sleep night. ‘twas an irony, in a way, because I was so tired the whole day that I really needed time to make my body and mind going again, replenish all those lost energy, and yet I still slept late. I wasn’t just drowsy though I know that I needed rest, lots of them. I (at some point) quite hate sleepless nights. Just imagine: a very quite surrounding where you can hear your breathing, a dark room illuminated by the plate-like silver moon and just enough time to reminisce how the day was and how tomorrow will be. At the past, I always hate dealing with the thoughts I have to face before I finally sleep (you know, those several wrong turns I made in the day. That makes me somehow regretful) but after finding reasons to be happy, I deal with sleepless nights with extreme excitement and not with laments.

I was excited last night, knowing that there’s a sure good thing that shall happen tomorrow (as far as I learned, I’ll be seeing him, maybe some talks, maybe some laughs, maybe that’s all. Wink). I was also happy at that moment, knowing that the day was great simply because a glimpse and smile from him reminds me about all the beauty of life. So what more if I ate a sumptuous lunch with him? It’s the simplest thing that can uplift my spirits the most even when I am tired and worn-out and fed up. I was supposed to be sleeping in my bed in our home and not reflecting in the corner of my dormitory. I was supposed to be sleeping soundly, starting my dreams and not counting those sheep one by one just to feel drowsy. After all, meeting him tomorrow at my bad hair and face day is a huge turn-off. I never wanted that to happen because as far as I am concerned, I care about what he thinks about me and his very intelligent perceptions. What he minds, surely matters. One way or another, thoughts about what shall happen the next day seemed to tickle me, giving me the sweet shiver and desire to rush the hour and welcome the day with a smile and love in my heart. It was so cold that I let the blanket rest on my body and the electric fan rest from his exhaustion. Maybe ‘twas because the Christmas season is beginning to sink in and maybe because I yearn for the warmth of his arms, encircled tightly around me. Midnight was fast approaching and I constantly reminded myself that I should get some sleep because tomorrow needs some of my oomph but I guess stubbornness is always incurable. I did not listen to my alter ego and instead, just continued to fill my night with thoughts of him. It was heavenly though I must admit that it was somehow incomplete because having him near beside me is so much better than thinking about him while distance makes its way in between us but nevertheless, I still felt that particular contentment that nobody else can ever replace.

Sleepless nights had never been that great. Maybe ‘twas not the sleepless night at all, maybe ‘twas just the thoughts about him, the thoughts about being smitten and the wonderful and irreplaceable feeling equipped with it. If nighttime is just that good, then I am more than willing to live my life every night and cherish the last thought that dominates my mind just before I finally close my eyes. I know that it’s not every day that I find that very special moment of my life and whisper to God how thankful I am to have his blessings and so whenever that opportunity knocks on my heart, I welcome it and embrace it tight so that it’ll never get off me. (Yawn!)

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