Sunday, November 09, 2008

Life's Twilight

Yesterday was my grandmother’s sixty-first birthday. (So, happy birthday to her!) Yesterday was also her fourth year on that bed, just lying there with half her body paralyzed because of stroke, just waiting to be called for meals, just watching the television all day.

I define ambitions and dreams as those things which after achieving, you’ll be contented with your life and you’ll not aspire for more. I was also taught from my high school Economics class that the need and wants of people grow as they achieve some of their dreams. There was never enough, as they will usually say. People will never be contented but I beg to disagree. As for me, my ambitions are to be a lawyer with fiction novels published and read by others apart from my family and friends (which you shall all read, right?). I also want to have my own family, just the people who’ll stay and take care of me when I grow old. I want to marry the person whom I truly love and care about and day by day, watch the sunlight on his face. I want to see my children being successful and achieving their own dreams, too, and showing me their gratefulness and after I saw all of these, I’ll be ready to sit back and whisper to my beloved partner that my deepest wishes were heard, that I’m done and I am now everything that I wanted to be.

I wonder what’s going on with my grandmother’s mind, how do they differ from my crap? I mean, what’s next after you saw that your two children became successful and stable and your partner died of old age? Maybe that was also the reason why my grandmother doesn’t have the motivation to recover from stroke and do all the things that she was doing just before the incident. Four years as a recovery period is quite long that I really believed that one day, she is going to stand up again, walk and join me in my shopping, just who she really is but it seems like that day won't be coming at all. You know, it’s like there’s no point because she already achieved all of her ambitions (as far as I know and would like to believe). It’s like, what is she living for when all of her children are now very stable on where they are now and who are they with? What is she living for after love has faded and slipped on the grave?

They say that life begins at forty but on what age does it actually end? It must be that point in your life when your experiences are all in scripted on your forehead through your wrinkles. It must be that particular point in your life when you realized that the people so dear to your heart are convincing you to quit your work because they can now provide for you. It maybe the day that you almost forgot that 'twas your birthday and you don't know your age anymore. I tried my best to believe that life hasn’t end for my grandmother that she is as enthusiastic as me but then again, I never wanted to deny what I clearly see. It’s like she’s on her twilight stage, preparing for the darkness, preparing for the night that is usually frosty and damp.

I wonder what’s left for me after life offered me all the best things in this world. I wonder how fulfilling the sensation is to see how far you’ve come and when that time comes, I am glad that I’ll be reading some of my chronicles in this blog and bring back my childhood, my adolescence and maturity. I’ll be laughing to realize that I fell and cried for the wrong man and look at the person whom I am destined to share the rest of my life, smiling. After all, I do believe that love isn't just for teen agers. I believe that there is still that forever and ever story that even death cannot do them part. I’ll read my stories all over again and realize that hey, it was just a usual story experienced by everyone and mine was just another perception of that usual story. I really wonder what lies ahead but I guess, I never have to worry and predict. All I need to do is live my everyday and find every bit of happiness that it contains so that when that time finally came, I'll be really contented and have no regrets... just lessons learned.


The Rambler said...

Your an incredible writer. Just wanted to say. Thanks for reading my blog today...I know that post sounded a little superficial..:( Deep down inside I'm not :)

Keep up the writing..great post!

Maki said...

Oh my goodness, what a clever writer you are!! Your writing is truly impressing!!!

Happy birthday to your grandmother and I'm sorry to hear about her being in bed for so long. Actually, today was my dad's 64th birthday:)

Thank you so much for stopping by my blog, sweet. Stay in touch!!!

Toots said...

thank you for stopping by my blog . . . you are a great writer. just wait till you see your baby smile for the first time . . . talk about feeling fufilled! now, don't go rushing to get that experience just yet . . . enjoy each and every day of your teen life! :-)

Rhaingel said...

the rambler: Thank you so much. I usually read blogs and comment upon those which I think are great. So yours is included. and I'll do as you wish. I'll keep on writing, especially today that I received a comment from you. It's really nice to know that you're heard. Thanks again. :)

Maki: Oh, your comment made me flattered. Thank you so much. Really. I can never put into words how thankful I am. Happy birthday to your dad, too. May he have more birthdays to come. Thanks too for stopping by. Thank you so much! :)

toots: Thanks to your advice, for stopping by and for the prise. I am enjpying my teen life yet I am also excited to know what's beyond. I mean, I have roughly three years to stay in college and I am just putting plans for myself to follow. Thanks again! :)

The Me/ The Wife/ The Mom said...

You are a gifted writer and story teller. Beautiful post...and very insightful. You are older than your years.

Rhaingel said...

Thank you so much. From time to time, I am having that serious thoughts in me. Like, what lies ahead and what's going to happen. Good thing that there is this blogspot to catch all those flying thoughts. Thanks again. :)