Sunday, November 16, 2008

My Closet

A while ago, I checked my laptop and decided to erase some of my files there. Poor memory of the computer! I acknowledge the fact that I should be freeing its storage somehow of those senseless files or pictures that I don’t need anymore or else I’ll be losing them all at the same time (and I never wanted that to happen).

I am not supposed to be making a blog post about it. I already outlined my topics to write and today I am supposed to write about those things my mom warned me about but then I felt like I have to make that happening a while ago a short account so that even if I completely erase the files, I can still feel it in this blog. I shouldn’t be feeling this way- I’m feeling all the emotions I’ve felt in the past while browsing. I started with My Documents and I was surprised to see several Yahoo Messenger conversations there saved in a notepad. (Letting out a little secret: I usually save conversations and from time to time, reminisce and read it again) I couldn’t decide on which conversation will I erase and so I settled on reading each conversation. I know it’s quite long (because some of those conversations really lasted for long hours) but nevertheless, I enjoyed reading it. It was like bringing all the feelings I’ve felt… may it be extreme bliss, annoyance, depressions, love or heart ache. It’s like feeling those emotions the first time I’ve felt like that. I realized that memories are better off put into a closet so that it won’t hinder you from moving on with your present and past but it shouldn’t be forgotten too because at some point, it molded you into the person you are now and without those emotions, you won’t have that same principles that you are living today. So I left it that way. I did not erase it instead just make a new folder which contains all those conversations done with different people. After all, during the time that I hit on the save as button after a warm (or maybe cold) conversation, I have that special reason why I saved it.

Then I went into My Computer, (E:) Local Disk then to the folder which says Ajhay Perez (which is one of my nicknames). Inside it were three further subdivisions namely, peyups (which contains my projects and home works and papers during the first semester), HS (which obviously contains those school works I made when I was still on high school) and lastly the folder which name is ‘This is Just for me’. I find it funny that I yearn so much for my privacy when all the while, it was not password-protected and if I am a person who happened to drop by Ajhay Perez’ folder, I will check in first the ‘This is Just for me’ folder because that sounds very interesting compared to the other two folders. It mainly contains MS Word documents and notepad diaries, which I typed when I was feeling so depressed and I do not have any blog spot back then. While I was reading those, I can’t stop myself from smiling, knowing that when I was typing those, I felt like ‘twas the largest problem anyone could ever have and it could not get any worse until I finally encounter another problem. That time, I felt like I can no longer smile again and so that makes me a bit confident. I’ve been through hard times before but I managed to still land on my feet, dancing and stable.

I did not erase anything. I felt like I was cleaning our house and I cannot just throw the vases my mom loved so much because it has that particular sentimental value for her that it reminds her of what she’d been through. It’s both silly and satisfying to know my random thoughts when I was like five years younger and compare it to my random thoughts of today. I’d like to keep it that’s why I did not clean up my laptop’s memory. Maybe five years from now, I’ll be glad to read those files once more and experience the feeling I’ve felt all over again.


saveyoursoul said...

If its any consolation, I keep blog entries, journals, etc from 5-6 years ago...

helps me put me in perspective.

Rhaingel said...

It's really good. especially when you wrote them with all your emoitions pouring. ;)