Saturday, November 15, 2008

My Last Step

Normally (I mean, schooldays), while I sleep so soundly, hugging my pillow tight, my alarm clock will go hysterical at five fifteen in the morning. Let the stress begin! It’s a sort of an irritating clock that will never stop until you forgot what you dreamt about so I’ll stop it, thank God that He provided me another day to enjoy and celebrate, get up and make my bed. Actually, I’ve been rambling the thought that I shouldn’t make my bed anymore because it was just me in that room and no one can actually see my mess but then, it has become a reflex for me that as soon as I step my foot on the cold linoleum-ed floor, I should be folding my blanket and arranging my pillows, hiding the fact that I dance when I am asleep. I’ll get up, stretch a little and then heat some water for my noodles and milk, take some vitamins that can help me (as far as I do believe). After that, I’ll go downstairs to take a bath and the cold water splash of reality is like slapping me to wake up and be ready for the busy day. It never failed to remind me that the day wasn’t a weekend. It’s a school day. It’s a busy day. It’s a day which requires devotion of oneself to the things (or crap) the professors will teach you, no time for day dreaming and no time for breathing a lungful of air of relief.

Schooldays (somehow) thwart me from updating my blog often. It always gives me tasks to accomplish (like reviewing for tomorrow’s graded recitation, finish reading a book-like readings that shall be asked tomorrow and finishing the paper which deadline is tomorrow morning), which sucks all my energy and granting me with just as much as necessary time to simply sleep and munch over my dinner. Yes, stressful, in a way, but to realize that this is my final step in achieving my dreams and ambitions, it’s surely worth it all the sacrifices and perseverance. After all, I do believe that if there is no pain, surely, there is no gain. As far I have observed, there is no easy way to be fortunate in our lives except the option to strive for excellence while you are still aiming for that goal… for that bull’s eye… for that particular point in your victory that you’ll believe in yourself the most because you got exactly what you wanted and struggled for. Each time I sleep, I think about tomorrow and the next tomorrow and the further next tomorrows… come what may, it makes me count on how many sleepless nights I have to suffer on finishing a research paper and it makes me feel the hunger I’ll be experiencing in the future- those missed breakfasts and dinners and it makes me feel the back aches I am bound to have due to extreme walking and rushing from a building to another. Come what may, it also makes me have that idea that I’ll finally be called, Ms. Bliss, that one day, I’ll wake up and see my dreams shaping into reality and I’ll forget that I ever sacrificed. It’s nice to think that I’ll be harvesting what I planted.

Schooldays and college life affected me a lot. Truly. A lot. Not just a little but a lot. It truly changed me from being Little Miss Happiness to being Little Miss Responsible-Happiness. There is a little manipulation done to the hierarchies of my priorities, like I don’t study if I feel like studying. I study now even though I am not at ease at even though I feel like sleeping. I understand clearly the reason why I am doing everything I do today (I mean, the efforts and all the hard works) and unlike before that I just do them because that is what they instructed me to do and I hate disappointing people who have their large faith in me. Today isn’t my birthday but I guess, the first week of classes for the second semester already marked its impact in me. I feel like it added another year to my age. I guess, I learned from my mistakes last semester that I don’t want to have that same cramming stage and resulting to regrets.


saveyoursoul said...

"I should be folding my blanket and arranging my pillows, hiding the fact that I dance when I am asleep." I love that line :)

Thanks for the sweet comments, I think I'm an official subscriber now :)

Rhaingel said...

haha. Thanks for subscribing. It's always nice to know that you're heard. It encourages me to write more. Thanks and you're so much welcome and appreciated here. :)