Friday, November 21, 2008

Wednesday Sickness

Today I decided to always use my rights in doing certain decisions and choices. My Philosophy class a while ago asked me to explain that life is not a matter of chance, it’s a matter of choice and while I was busy filling up the my paper to rush to my next class, I saw that point in time to think about the chances and risks that I took and the choices I made maybe for myself and maybe for others. I reflected.

I noticed that for the past months, I am always having this so-called “Wednesday sickness”. It is not a scientific term but more of another crazy word found in my own dictionary, which is meant for justifying my unfair actions. What I mean by sickness is something which is crazy and unwell. Every Tuesday, I am so much happy. I mean, even more than what happiness really meant but every Wednesday, I am having this sadness in me. It happens always. Even before. Like, even though there’s just a tiny speck of occurrence which is not that good, I instantly feel lonely. Maybe it’s bad grade, an exhausting walk, a swelling ankle, a migraine, a spotted enemy, irritating traffic, bad hair day, menstrual flow, jealousy or I-just-feel-like-emoting days. I can always go on with my list of things to be sad about but I better shut up now or I’ll lose all of my readers (God bless them). Every Wednesday, I feel that way and a while ago, I thought that maybe, it’s time to change that scripted routine. After all, I am tired of frowning and releasing all of my energy in finding senseless reasons to justify my sadness. I’m like wasted. I seem like desperate.

Life, in my own perspective, is made up of ten percent of what happens to us and ninety percent of how we react to it. What happens to us, may be bad or good, are all vital in our lives. Those are the things that teach us how to react. Basically, those are the things which teach us to be strong, to get mad, to be happy, to get frustrated and to fall deeply in love. This is where the choices sink in. We choose our destiny. We make our future. It’s still up to us whether we can still smile despite of all the things that pour and whether we give up and be affected easily by everything. It’s really up to us and not depending on others.

I do believe that sadness is just a state of mind. It’s never a condition. It’s actually a choice. Just like my Wednesday sickness. I can always break that routine. I can always find every reason to be blissful (which, as a matter of fact, I already found) but sometimes, I grow unreasonable, irrational and nonsensical. I, at some point, became pathetic. I don’t have any room for regrets now. I mean, what’s done is done… but I really think that I did learn a very important lesson, which happens to be to celebrate everyday and erase all spots of any insecurity towards others. I should be loving what I have and I should be thanking God for everything He gives me. Period. Just thanking and not expecting. I should be making my decisions like I won’t be sad no matter what happens and I should be standing for it. After all, I cannot let my emotions ruin me. As far as I am concerned, sadness is just a state of mind when we tend not to see those reasons to be happy (when all the while, they’re obvious). And if it really is just a state of mind, I should be taking control over it.

Today I am cured of my illness. I just needed some reminders that I am blessed and lucky. After that, I was okay. I was standing with my weight shared by my feet again. Starting today, I’m pulling out the fun in my Wednesday life. Starting today, I’ll be practicing my right to make choices. It’s free. It’s necessary.

November 19, 2008
8:45 PM.

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