Wednesday, November 05, 2008

When It Rains

It’s raining again. And whenever it rains (which is quite seldom in a tropical country like the Philippines), I always remember the times when it did rain too and I was maybe with somebody, talking with somebody, got really pissed off, got really depressed, got really happy and all those extreme emotions. I am planning that “When It Rains” shall be a regular post (maybe as regular as once a week) that will narrate some of those memorable moments of my life (in my own perception) that happened while it was raining. (And may I have the guidance and blessing of the One above so that I may always have the will to do so.)

So this is the third of what I call as regular posting or series but for this week, this is the second When It Rains. I just cannot afford to lose this feeling while I still remember that particular moment (and maybe, I am aiming to have thirty posts in thirty days although hours from now, I might be out and busy for school).

Talking about the person I mentioned in my After All post. Yes. The man I said I loved the most and cried for the most (Don’t get me wrong. Both verbs are in their past tense). I remember that it was September 16, 2006 and actually, after two years plus, I wanted to forget the date and the whole experience as well but it just stays and lingers and brings back all those hard feelings.

It was a day that I was with my girlfriends. We watched some sort of girly movies and bought stuffs and gossiped a lot about the girls in the campus we hate and go hunting for boys (oh. It was the girl side of me). I am not that girly. In fact, I have more boy friends than those who are girls but then again, I was so down and depressed at that time that I had to spend some moments, taking care and cheering up myself. It was two months after I found out that "he" fall out of love with me.

I thought about him that whole day. Even though I was with my own circle of fun friends, he was still on my mind and I just wanted to check him, if he was okay or he has some problems of his own. I still want to be the first person to help him when everyone else fails. I just wanted to talk to him for maybe I missed him. I thought of texting him. After all, SMS is the easiest and fastest means of communication. So I typed on my keypad and for every letter I write, there is this lub-dub I felt. What if he got mad? What if he got irritated and he’ll never ever text again? But I accepted all the risks. I send him a quote regarding missing someone’s presence. 1, 2, 3… I thought I’ll be dying during the first few seconds. I was really nervous and I (sort of) regret that I texted. 4, 5, 6… why is he not replying? He must be busy. He might be in danger. 7, 8, 9… maybe he won’t reply at all so I better stop waiting. 10, 11, 12... Hey, it’s just seconds after I texted. I shouldn’t be judging this early. 13, 14, 15… I wanted to stop waiting and counting the seconds but I cannot. Okay. I am paranoid. 16, 17, 18… the suspense almost killed me. I can’t breathe, thinking that he might also be thinking what to reply. 19, 20, 21… and ‘twas the longest twenty-one seconds of my life. 22, 23, 24… I knew that anytime from now, I’ll be reading a message from him. I knew it. 25, 26, 27… one message received. 28, 29, 30… loading. 31, 32, 33… “Who you?” it says. And it broke me to realize that after two months of being totally sweet, he forgot my name and my number. He erased me on his contacts and he erased me in his life. He forgot me while in my mind, I still memorize him, all of him. We got out of the mall and it rained. I wanted to hug the downpour as I felt that the heaven is sympathizing with me. I wanted to cry because it was the perfect timing but I cannot. I just felt that receiving a message asking me who am I is just a silly reason to cry and ‘twas just a simple message of someone I am bound to forget soon.

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