Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Penpusher

I find myself so astonished at mankind’s persistent yet vain attempts to escape the certainty of oblivion. I always forget, may it be people we have met before and events we are supposed to attend. I need post-it notes and alarm on my cell phone to remind me about a particular deadline of a project’s submission. I need reminders about all of my friend’s birthday. I don’t remember everything, even myself. I would like to believe that the reason for basic changes in my personality is that I don’t remember who I am exactly yesterday and so each day, I try to picture myself with traits that I might be needing and that which will be useful to me and will do me good. Everyday is a process of creating myself. Everyday, I change, maybe not completely but at some point, I do. I always want to be remembered. Well, who doesn’t? I want to be always remembered as the girl who sings in the shower as if having her concert there and the drama queen who wears braces, has tangled hair, contented with slippers and pants, vomits Math, pig-outs often and hugs her diary tight. I know that that is not always the impression I make. I, at some point, become a Philosophy geek who does nothing but evaluate arguments. Sometimes I become a girl who would just like to sit down in a corner of a room, alone, trying to find inner peace and tranquility by drowning herself to words. I sometimes appear as the girl with high aspirations of being a lawyer and a writer as well and studies so hard to fulfill those ambitions.




I do believe that we have different ways on how to make our existence learned by heart by others; for those ways of life are expressed in nothing less than the ancient pyramids of Egypt, offering foods to their Pharaohs and by nothing more than a stick in a child’s hand, etching a name into a freshly poured sidewalk. Some lovers even engrave their names on barks of trees, providing a heart in between their names and some people vandal their existence on the public comfort room’s door telling their dilemmas in those newly-painted walls and giving away their numbers just to find an equally desperate company. We really have different ways but the goal is for us is the same: to leave our mark in the unset concrete of time- something to say we once existed. Being a product of this modern era, I see the internet as a way on how to tell the world that a Rhaingel was here and this blog spot as a refuge and living witness of all that I’ve been through, my ups and downs, my happiest and gloomiest moment. I was very sincere with all my writings and from that, I have immortalized myself through this blog, showing everyone who I really am.


Perhaps, this is what drives our species to diaries, that some unborn generation may know that we once loved, hated, worried and laughed. It is for them to indirectly see that we had that same feeling they had, having or will soon have… and what is there to this? Maybe nothing more than a poetic gesture, for diaries die with their authors- or so I once believed. I have learned that there is more to the exercise. I feel like I have finally found life and to not mark my existence will be death. For as we chronicle our lives and circumstances that surround us, our perspectives and stretching rationales, what lies before us is our own reflection. It is the glance in the mirror that is of value. These are my words on the matter and I leave it at this- if we write things all about ourselves, our perceptions, our hopes and beliefs, and we touched their lives and were able to make a good impression, we eternally remain on people’s memory. Maybe they won’t remember our names, but it is like they remember the song but not remember the singer. They always remember the goodness we’ve done in their lives.


8 comments:

Anonymous said...

it's me again - 'RabiesWarrior'. I don't know how else to write to you other than this 'anonymous' thing. But you can see who I really am at: http://www.stmh.org/physician/detail?&phys_id=50261
I found your blog when you mentioned you had the rabies vaccine series (good 'ole search engine). Now I've been reading more and I'm impressed.
What I wanted to ask you was 'have you read Stephen King's ON WRITING'? I think you should. What I recognize in your blog is raw talent. Your writing should be encouraged. I think you could write a book, in fact many books. I'm not in the literary field, but maybe I could help? You should follow your passion.
M. salamat for the kind comments on my blog. I feel now I better produce something for it!

Rhaingel said...

Hmm. I'll be checking it soon. Now I know how you found me. I am really afraid of those needles I've mentioned in my previous post. I am glad that you are impressed. I haven't read ON WRITING. Well, I've read a page or two and it's about making a fictional character. I've read that page because it was required for a subject. I am planning to find a copy of that book and read it eventually. I am currently a college student and my course is BS Math. I always wanted to write and so I found this blog to support my passion. Regarding the book, maybe I'll be thinking about it after I graduated. Thanks for your kind comments in my blog, too. Those are so much appreciated. :)

Rena said...

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment on my blog, Rhaingel. You have a very nice blog as well. :)

Alex said...

Good afternoon. First off, thank you for stopping by my blog and commenting on my artwork. I sure appreciate it alot!

Secondly, YOUR blog and writing is amazing! So personal and open...so real...so honest. I WILL be back.

Have a good, rest of the weekend. :)

Rhaingel said...

RENA: You're welcome and thank you for dropping by here and for your comment. I surely appreciate those. Have a happy new year! Take care! :)

ALEX: You're welcome. Your artworks are surely masterpieces... simply awesome and so I can't help but comment on those. Thanks for dropping by here and for commenting. Thanks for following, too. Now I have better reasons to pursue my writing more. Thanks again! :)

Chloie said...

You write well. Keep it up...

fateh said...

thank you for your comment and I vote that you are still young girl good luck in your life I'd like to see your blog you can contact me at my email merradfateh@hotmail.com

Rhaingel said...

Chloie: Hey, thanks for dropping by! Thanks so much! :)

>fateh: Thanks for dropping by too. It's so appreciated here. :)