Friday, December 19, 2008

Sweet Little Dear Diary

If diary entries are just money, then I’ll surely be richer than Bill Gates. As a young girl, I started my diary with sweet little “Dear Diary” and ending it up with “Love lots, AJ” and “until tomorrow, dear diary”. I buy diaries with padlocks and keys and fragrant blue, yellow and pink pages. I don’t want anyone to read them, not even my mom, not even my best friend. It was a thing of beauty for myself alone. Those diaries contain what my enemies did and how my monster teacher embarrassed me in front of my crushes and other parents. I would write about my wounded knees and legs I got from running in the old unpaved road and about my happiness while playing in the swing. It was my life back then, nothing more and nothing less. Little by little, my diary contained about the exact transition I’ve been undergoing. First it was my wounded knees and legs but as time fluttered by, it was my wounded heart and bruised ego. I would complain about my being imperfect and would get really sad whenever my crush doesn’t have a crush on me. I would write about the pressure I have in school and the dancing activities that I engage in. I would become jealous and complain about the “…and they lived happily ever after” line I thought was very easy to achieve. I thought I can be my own Cinderella that easy. I never thought at that time that some good things just don’t last and I will say that fate has been a harsh teacher on me because she allowed me to have my heart broken first before teaching me my lesson. I was really shallow, like a little lady who didn’t had her candy. If I knew then what I know now, then I won’t be a living witness of life.

The madness continued when I was in high school. I was a true-blooded drama queen. I make such big deals out of small things that should already be forgotten. I write everything that makes me upset. I write about the lessons I learned from the people who have touched my life and lead me to the pedestal where I am now and about the depressions I encounter after finding out that my suitor is courting another lady. I learned and write about staying, or should I say appearing happy when I see the biggest heart ache of my life wearing that look which says that he saw my friendster account and saw that my life has been a lot better since he left. My diary contained about the realizations I had that life is not a piece of cake. It’s never easy and was never fair but life loves the person who dares to live it. I would say that seventeen years of my existence is not that long enough for me to experience every bit of tragedy and victory that life has to offer. There are still a lot of things laid out on my future. My mom and dad and everyone else has been here and has done what I am currently doing but I can proudly say that for the past seventeen years, I have learned the lessons I need for my tomorrow… for my beautiful tomorrow. For the past seventeen years, I experienced to be extremely hailed and also to be extremely buried. Those were the points that made my life very interesting in my own way. I do believe that I learned what I need to learn, that every time something happens and I was able to overcome it, I become wiser than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I can say that if ever I made a lot of mistakes yesterday, still I was able to make things right again today. Right now, I still start my diary entry with little “Dear Diary” but the difference is that it doesn’t sound as sweet as it used to be because the person who writes it today has other world aside from chocolates and candies. The person who writes it today is the same person who wrote that before but then again, she has changed a lot and was able to acknowledge that maturity is vital in making decisions. The person who writes it today has more experiences and lessons learned. Her “Dear Diary” now comes with the voice that knows about her shortcomings from the past and is sure that tomorrow is full of uncertainties yet accepts it readily.

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