Saturday, December 06, 2008

The Thing

So here is the thing:

I feel like I am trapped in a very sticky spider’s web with nothing to do but pour my mind out in this Faraday Effect (What the hell?). The predator is just waiting for the perfect moment to sink in his teeth into my poor exhausted body. I feel like it’s happening soon. I know that I should be minding Physics now, analyzing magnets and force and electricity. I should be listening eagerly to my professor as what a responsible student does and not making my sweet escape in this clean sheet of paper for dear life. I shouldn’t allow myself to be distracted. I’m feeling all the bouncing back of things that Physics must be right when it once said that for every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction. It’s perfectly right. I am having the equal but OPPOSITE feeling. I am blank. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I should be holding back those emotions I call as prohibited and should just remember all the happy moments and forget about the rest. I should be questioning things if I want some explanations. Like why is it like this and what should I do but for some unclear reasons, I choose to suffer quietly, filling myself with unanswered questions and possible reactions, partying towards insanity of my dear soul. It’s one quirk thing for me though I always have the right to ask and make some issues clarified, I prefer to be silent and mention other things that are far from what I really want to know, for it is in silence that I get to unleash who I am inside. It sucks that Ampere’s Law can never give me the answers I am dying to know and it sucks more that Newton, though a genius, cannot explain why I am feeling this way. The thing is that I need to go back to reality where things are not as happy and sweet as how they usually appear in my dreams. I need to wake up with the truth that Maxwell’s equation is what I should be minding at the moment. For heaven’s sake, I should be taking a single step at a time, no rushing of things, no considerations of what tomorrow can bring, just concerning myself with Physics and Calculus and never minding all the emotions involved, never thinking when I should be soundly sleeping and never escaping to writing whenever the educator finds pleasure in the frequency of light. Period. It must stay that way. In the first place, Natural Science 1 is already a problem. It’s already something to bug me up and it should be enough. I shouldn’t be adding anything else to my list of crazy things to think and reflect about.

Well, it seems like I know what I should and should not be doing but for some petty reasons which are unknown to me, I am making my life enticing by thinking of other things so far from atoms and nucleus and the force between them, something even more problematic than equations and numbers.

“You may now go and see you on Thursday,” he finally said and down I walk to my next class, thinking that a big day ahead lies in my hands.

December 2, 2008
9:15 AM

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