Thursday, January 01, 2009

2008 Chapter 3

Yester night, when I under the canopy of fireworks that continuously destroy the peacefulness of the dark sky, I can hardly described what I felt. It was, I think, mix emotions that can hardly be distinguished from one another. It was homogenous, like how my Chemistry teacher put emphasis on. I wanted to cry as deafening sounds dominated our street and as sparkles of light illuminated the starless nighttime. It was a different new year as much as I differ from the other people, very distinct and irrevocable. Nevertheless, I cannot find that sensible reason in order to shower into tears and so I did not.

2008, as I’ve said over and over again, has been a very good year for me. Everyday was farthest in such a way that it’s either extremely happy or extremely sad, either extremely interesting or extremely boring. I consider the past year as a good one for it taught me a bunch of vital things. During 2008, I’ve experienced to have my heart swell with joy and experienced to have it broken. I’ve graduated from high school and entered the last stage of my education, which happened to be college. I’ve developed and nurtured friendship and I’ve lost and destroyed some. It was a circle. There were points of learning but never did the world stop revolving when I was too coward and I can’t get up and face another day.

As for the mixed emotions I’ve experienced, I felt so much happiness which is always present. all throughout the year. I felt thankful for so many things and people whom upon thinking about makes me pinch myself because I cannot believe that it's true that they’re loving me so muh. I felt regrets, too, because I have so many plans for the end of the year but I wasn’t able to push it through. I felt the love for my friends and people who drew my life for the past twelve months. I felt the pressure for 2008 was so far the best and I have the tendency to always beat myself. I am aiming for a better 2009. Yester night, I wanted to be some place else. Not because I don’t want to be with my family but I felt that my heart was somewhere else. I don’t know where. I just felt that in the middle of the raucous fireworks and people yelling “5, 4, 3, 2, 1” like there is no tomorrow, I was afloat, like a light little feather which sways itself to the ground but fights the haul of intensive gravity. I was afloat in the middle of that smoke from firecrackers which signals me on the reason of global warming and thinning of the ozone layer, suffocating myself yet smiling still. I wasn’t myself. I was paranoid about checking my phone, expecting calls from special people. I was paranoid about keeping an eye for accidents. It wasn’t very healthy for me especially that it was New Year and I was supposed to be worry-free, amazed about the shimmering radiance that fly to the sky and thinking nothing except the sumptuous dinner that my family and I would be sharing later on that midnight.

I was still happy, even so. Though a spoonful of confusion swallowed me, I was still up for a celebration until I see the first ray of the dawn breaking on the “New Ground” while I paradoxically welcome the year of the Ox tranquilly. I bet, it’s simply because I always find myself in silence and with that, I shouldn’t be confusingly writing about mixed feelings. I should be dealing with other things like resolutions and the upcoming back to school. Well, BRB.


Rena said...

Nice post. I've never been one to whoop it up on New Year's Eve. My husband is a retired police officer and he usually spent the night working, so I've gotten into the habit of staying home. However, I always feel a little WEIRD when the people start doing that "5,4,3,2,1" countdown thing. I don't know why. I guess maybe I'm always expecting something to HAPPEN when they reach 1. It's a weird feeling -- LOL!

Anonymous said...

Hello Rhaingel!!! You are such a dear sweet girl, woman, pardon me. I wish the best in 2009 my new friend, keep your hopes and dreams insight, and never give up!!! :) Happy New Year to u and yours, Rhaingel, may it bring u much happiness, love and success, always!!!
your friend,
Julian :)

Rhaingel said...

RENA: Thanks! It's a weird feeling that I am feeling weird whenever that countdown starts when all the while, we must be excited and jumping out with joy. I also don't know why and I am glad that I am not the only one feeling that way. Thanks again! :)

JULIAN: I am wishing you the best too! Thank you for all your advices. They were all helpful for someone like me. Happy New Year to you and your family. I am wishing you nothing but the best. :)

mOkO cHaN_~ said...

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, Happy new year! I bet when you are doing countdowns I bet some memories that you had on 2008 flashbacks on your mind :D I wish you all the best this year and of course I am looking forward for this years exciting posts of yours :)

Rhaingel said...

moko chan_~: Happy new year to you too. really. There are a lot of memories.. indispensable kind of memories. I am wishing you nothing but the best too. Thanks! THANK YOU SO MUCH! :D