Thursday, January 15, 2009

Dreaming

I dream a lot. Each time I sleep, I wake up remembering everything I dreamt about during the night. Dreams mean a lot to me. They make me very thankful about my reality and make me reflect about my present situation. I dream about the play I am so nervous of, about the happy moments I did experience in the past, about my crush, about my enemies, about those failed hopes, about the plans I have and the consequences related to it and then it occurred to me: do we define our dreams or do dreams define us? I felt somehow changed by each of these dreams I’ve had, just as any experience changes me. I feel like a part of me was in my dreams and a part of my dreams is in me. I know that it is actually senseless to be frightened whenever nightmares begin to haunt my being during the nighttime when all the while it has no basis but I still feel that there is this path which connects those dreams and the reality. I know, too, that it is equally pointless to be happy because of a dream when all the while, I know that it’s just a product of the mind and to hope that it will come true is absolutely absurd. I do believe that dreams are not pure imaginations, that somehow, it has some granules of truth and I feel anxious whenever I see it that way.


Strange then to think that who we are is in part defined by an entire second life most of us rarely remember. The first life is the dreamland and there perhaps is the first and oldest use of simulation: an approximation of the real world created by our own minds in the night as we quietly sleep, a world where we can safely explore ideas, where we can face our fears without peril, learn the consequences without suffering them, a place which delightfully becomes everything we want it to be, eliminate all of what makes the real world complex and unfair, be the person we only wish we are, a place we can even die and live to learn from it. Isn’t it magical to try things without risking anything at all? Isn’t it nice to play in there and never wake up just because the dreamland has no heartaches and failures?


I am getting too deep. I must admit that I still feel like drowning whenever I try to produce something on paper. I cannot figure out why my shallowness kept itself on a corner. Maybe someday it will again dominate my thinking. Maybe because for the past days, I’ve been having the most meaningful dreams in my entire years of existence and I wonder what those things actually mean. I wonder what those are trying to do and manipulate in my personhood. I thought that I should stop and say, “Hey, I must be more concern about what my subconscious mind tells me because I’ve always talked but never listened.” I am no one of a dream-interpreter or any of the like and the truth is that what those dreams actually mean is the least of my concern. What I am actually after is the voice of my inner self, the one I deprive and destruct. I am after the signal from myself, whether she likes me to take a pause, to move in the speed of light or just go with the flow. I am after hearing my silent self and that happens in my bizarre dreams, where things usually get together yet also take apart, where things are real yet also imaginary, where things are both concrete and conceptual, where things turn out and also winds back itself.


2 comments:

Rena said...

I blogged about Lucid Dreaming once. Now that's interesting stuff how you can control your dreams.

Rhaingel said...

RENA: Dreaming is such a wonderful thing. I always find myself astonished at it. Thanks for stopping by! :)