Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Me? Tired? VERY.

How things are turning out isn’t exactly how I expected them to be. Right now, I am thinking about maximizing my twenty-four hours in a day to those things that define me as a student. I mean obligations. Studying is not for lazy learners like me but having a great future is for everyone. I do admit that I prioritize my happiness rather than what I should be doing. Perhaps this blog and writing stuff is one. Instead of opening my Physics reading materials as thick as the adipose tissue on a person with no exercise at all, I choose to close the door, unplug the television, never mind my cell phone at all and start digging my own hole in this chair by writing. Once again, I am doing my sweet escape.

I would be very mind-numbing if I’ll discuss about the senseless reasons why I am doing this thing again. Maybe all the bloggers know that particular reason but cannot express it to words. It feels like a part of me is in my blog and a part of my blog is in me. That’s very alarming and wonderful at the same time. I have millions of reasons why I should be opening my Math book or Communication 3 reviewers or doing the program which is entitled “Machine PROBLEM” (and I must agree, it really is) yet a single reason of why I should be blogging wipes it all out.

I broke my right foot. I slipped and eventually destroyed those protective ligaments surrounding the bones. It’s swelling and it is as if my foot increased in its size. I cannot stop myself from laughing whenever I see it. I wasn’t able to attend my Math, Philosophy, Modern Dance and Filipino class for the pain was too excruciating that I cannot even stand steady. I was exaggerating, okay but honestly, it was painful. That was the most hurtful pain I’ve experienced for my right foot, at least as far as my memory provides me. I don’t usually absent myself to school but this morning was an exception for my mind tells me that I can but my foot summons pity from me. After all, I abused it well enough for me to allow ‘it’ to have a little rest. If I don’t, then it might become a rebel, doing what ‘it’ wants and never concerned about ‘it’s’ boss which happens to be me.

If you will come to think of it, yesterday and today are bad days. I broke my foot, absent myself from my classes, lost the precious earring my sister had given me, exams here and there, promises I made to last, novels that are not connected in any way to my subjects but I can hardly put down and mental exercises that never failed to make me consider myself as a fat balloon being sucked excitedly by a vacuum cleaner then inflated by a Santa Claus-size-man only to be pricked by naughty children. I am too exhausted to type, too exhausted to care about grammars and punctuations, though I am certainly aware that I’ve committed lots of English mortal sins. I am too exhausted to write something that will make me proud later on. Pardon me with this one. I just have to let this all out. To say that I shouldn’t be blogging at this moment is like saying I shouldn’t be minding my constipation. I am so much tired at the moment but all I want to do is to sleep or drink or write or think of him. I know it’s getting tighter and tougher, I mean the challenges put of by those professors whose constant refuge and happiness is seeing the brain of students bleeding out. I know that there is a possibility that I might not get through but the hell do I care about those things.

My noisy alarm clock cries hysterically at my side and I hate it for it signals me to go back to my reality where post-it notes are dominating. It says that I still have things to do. Lots of them, in fact. I have to close this sweet little thing for whenever I write I focus too much and that makes me really drawn away from the cruel reality. (sigh) Back to being Little Miss Trying Hard to Study. (sigh deeper)

2 comments:

Rena said...

I'm sorry to hear about your foot. I hope you can keep it elevated for awhile. Good luck with your studies too. Hang in there!

Rhaingel said...

@RENA:

It's kind of okay now. It's still swelling but I can walk now, at least I can somehow. Thanks so much! I hope I can meet all the deadlines. :D