Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Me? Tired? VERY.

How things are turning out isn’t exactly how I expected them to be. Right now, I am thinking about maximizing my twenty-four hours in a day to those things that define me as a student. I mean obligations. Studying is not for lazy learners like me but having a great future is for everyone. I do admit that I prioritize my happiness rather than what I should be doing. Perhaps this blog and writing stuff is one. Instead of opening my Physics reading materials as thick as the adipose tissue on a person with no exercise at all, I choose to close the door, unplug the television, never mind my cell phone at all and start digging my own hole in this chair by writing. Once again, I am doing my sweet escape.

I would be very mind-numbing if I’ll discuss about the senseless reasons why I am doing this thing again. Maybe all the bloggers know that particular reason but cannot express it to words. It feels like a part of me is in my blog and a part of my blog is in me. That’s very alarming and wonderful at the same time. I have millions of reasons why I should be opening my Math book or Communication 3 reviewers or doing the program which is entitled “Machine PROBLEM” (and I must agree, it really is) yet a single reason of why I should be blogging wipes it all out.

I broke my right foot. I slipped and eventually destroyed those protective ligaments surrounding the bones. It’s swelling and it is as if my foot increased in its size. I cannot stop myself from laughing whenever I see it. I wasn’t able to attend my Math, Philosophy, Modern Dance and Filipino class for the pain was too excruciating that I cannot even stand steady. I was exaggerating, okay but honestly, it was painful. That was the most hurtful pain I’ve experienced for my right foot, at least as far as my memory provides me. I don’t usually absent myself to school but this morning was an exception for my mind tells me that I can but my foot summons pity from me. After all, I abused it well enough for me to allow ‘it’ to have a little rest. If I don’t, then it might become a rebel, doing what ‘it’ wants and never concerned about ‘it’s’ boss which happens to be me.

If you will come to think of it, yesterday and today are bad days. I broke my foot, absent myself from my classes, lost the precious earring my sister had given me, exams here and there, promises I made to last, novels that are not connected in any way to my subjects but I can hardly put down and mental exercises that never failed to make me consider myself as a fat balloon being sucked excitedly by a vacuum cleaner then inflated by a Santa Claus-size-man only to be pricked by naughty children. I am too exhausted to type, too exhausted to care about grammars and punctuations, though I am certainly aware that I’ve committed lots of English mortal sins. I am too exhausted to write something that will make me proud later on. Pardon me with this one. I just have to let this all out. To say that I shouldn’t be blogging at this moment is like saying I shouldn’t be minding my constipation. I am so much tired at the moment but all I want to do is to sleep or drink or write or think of him. I know it’s getting tighter and tougher, I mean the challenges put of by those professors whose constant refuge and happiness is seeing the brain of students bleeding out. I know that there is a possibility that I might not get through but the hell do I care about those things.

My noisy alarm clock cries hysterically at my side and I hate it for it signals me to go back to my reality where post-it notes are dominating. It says that I still have things to do. Lots of them, in fact. I have to close this sweet little thing for whenever I write I focus too much and that makes me really drawn away from the cruel reality. (sigh) Back to being Little Miss Trying Hard to Study. (sigh deeper)


Rena said...

I'm sorry to hear about your foot. I hope you can keep it elevated for awhile. Good luck with your studies too. Hang in there!

Rhaingel said...


It's kind of okay now. It's still swelling but I can walk now, at least I can somehow. Thanks so much! I hope I can meet all the deadlines. :D