Friday, January 23, 2009

Ouch to Conjectures

At any point, I always learn from my professors whenever I spend some time listening to them. It is always a choice whether to listen and focus or daydream and smile alone. I realized that I should be listening a lot and daydreaming a little. I am a student and I can daydream when I am in a vehicle. That seems more appropriate. It may or may not mean something good. It does whenever I learn new information that will of course, stack up to my knowledge and it doesn’t when I realize something and it keeps bugging me whenever I am in my soliloquy. Today, that happened again. I entered my Philosophy 1 class and set my mood to analyzing philosophical essays made by all-time critical -thinkers who devoted their life evaluating valid statements.

I always contradict people. I don't know why but that’s me. I listen eagerly then try to catch those thoughts and ideas that were unclear to me. Today, I was slapped by certain philosophies. It made me shut up and criticize my situation first rather than be excited for my professor’s err. We studied about Karl Popper, a scientist, as he said and I did not think about his philosophies as something that can help me deal with everyday. We studied about conjecture and refutation. It was a new idea for me and I am thankful that I had the chance to learn about it. Though, I must admit that it bothered me a lot. I won’t be writing here if I am not. My professor said that a person can never reach such thing as an absolute truth. I said “whatever” but deep inside me, I was thinking about those things I see as truth. Perhaps, love for family and a friend is one. Then second is about people’s words and third is about people’s actions which are a lot credible than confusing words. I must admit that I easily trust people. I narrate some of my childhood experiences, funny incidences that can make them laugh or emotions I am currently feeling. Again, that’s me. I thought about uncertainties, too for my professor cited an instance wherein a boyfriend tells her girlfriend how much he loves her then gives her chocolates and flowers. He gives her the world, fetches her from school and accompanies her to home. My professor said that that wasn’t enough for the love mentioned was a conjecture, meaning it’s temporary and it won’t be proven exactly unless you see a counter example. In that case, the counter example will be to see the boyfriend with someone else. I grew worried though I honestly know that I shouldn’t be. Perhaps, this is the mixed effect of fatigue and fear and lack of sleep. I got so affected because of the philosophy that everything is conjecture and to actually prove something means to find a concrete case where it contradicts the stated ‘near to truth’ thing. It occurred to me that there must be a lot of people who are so crazy about the idea of falling in love and then proving the love of their partner by means of catching them flirting to others. If that is life, I don’t want to believe in anything and I don’t want to get happy for the fear of getting sad after all. I know that everything is temporary... but this day, my professor tried to convince me with something else: Everything is a lie.

I need to sort this out of my mind. I hate being so deep and reflecting about what’s not happening. I hate to deal with this during the time that I am taking my sweet sleep. Paranoia, that is. I don’t want to doubt my beliefs and believe my doubts. I don't want to be untrusting to all and sundry. For God’s sake, I am doing well before I learned about conjectures. Right now, I should still be and deal with that philosophical thing every Wednesday, from 8:30 to 10:00 am and leave every thought I learned in there. I should be listening, still, yet I should be dealing with those every minute that is flying for it’s very devastating. Thanks to Karl Popper. At least, he is making me think.

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