Sunday, January 04, 2009

This Isn't It Yet

After three months of waiting, I think it’s gone. I mean, THIS. It was October 2008 when a friend asked me to be his partner on making a particular book with short stories in it. That time, I was too frustrated on Math and so I immediately agreed. I was so excited, well, who wouldn’t? I committed myself to that project, squeezing my brain out in order to produce creative short stories on paper and took Creative Writing classes in order to make my writing skills a lot better. For me, it was something, because publishing a book, or at least printing it and saving a copy in my home library is like a wonderful dream-come-true for a little aspirant like me. It was something I’ll be forever proud of and it’s never because of the revenue I will have once the book became a hit. Money can never satisfy my dream of writing. My mom warned me about that. She said that I shouldn’t obligate myself that easily and think rationally especially now that I am in college and I have many things to accomplish. She said that I’ll exhaust myself if I write but she was wrong. The truth is that whenever I am exhausted, I write and everything turns up alright.


It’s gone. After I sent him my stories, he did not show himself and have me felt his presence anymore- no texts, no e-mails, and no offline messages at all. I know him and his respectable nature doesn’t include being a thief of other’s works. He has a pride and he’d rather publish lousy thoughts which he made by himself rather than steal the writings of others. I reached up to him and tried to talk to him. I asked him about what’s up and how’s the book going. That time, I was ready for any answer. I did not expect to hear that the book is on its editing or publishing stage. He was sick at that time and told me that he fears that this won’t push through because of the differences in our priorities, too. I said that it was okay and he doesn’t need to feel the pressure about that book. I said that we still have lots of time to push through the plan some time and we don’t need to rush things. “Come what may,” I said and it’s not that I don’t care. It’s just that I believe that what’s meant to be will always find its way. It works on love as in career. Surprisingly, I was not disappointed or any of the like. I did not feel like it was some sort of a shattered dream. Of course, publishing a book means a lot to me but I guess, I should just wait for that right moment when I don’t commit grammar errors anymore whenever I write. Maybe I should just wait for that right moment when everything I write is interesting in my readers’ perspectives and I am extremely comfortable with the language. I do believe that that right moment is not yet now. I am still like a raw fruit, exposing myself to the ray of the sun in the middle of an arid farm, which feels so affectionate and to the delicate pea-sized raindrops in the middle of chilling street children which otherwise feels so wintry. I am exposing myself to every bit of both hatred and love, to both anticipation and frustration, to both melancholy and bliss so that someday, I’ll have every genuine and sensible thing to write about.


It’s okay… it is really. After all, I feel so contented with this blog by now. I feel like it’s a wide-mouth basin which catches all of the thoughts that fly out from my mind and later on molds it like clay and produces a figure which I will be very pleased to look at and play with. This blog is like an open book with several blank pages for me to write on and reflect upon- no rules and no restrictions for the mere reason that this is mine. I am happy with this now. I mean, if the book will still push through, then why not? I will be very glad to continue but if it won’t, there is no such big deal on my part since I am already contented.


10 comments:

Nora MacFarlane said...

For the record - Your mother's advice is good. Be careful about your commitments. Balance is a good thing!

Good luck with your writing, and thanks for visiting my blog!

Mind of MadMan said...

ALways write for what your reason are. All others screw them. Cynics are easy to find.

The Rambler said...

I am still always amazed when I read your posts. They are so well put together. I envy your use of the english language :)

Keep on writing and I'm sure at some point a book will have your name in it's author spot. For your shelf and hopefully mine!

b luis grey said...

Exciting to be part of a book. Hope things fall into place. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Rena said...

(((HUGS))) I'm sorry that you never heard anything from the guy who has your stories. That's really rotten. Keep up the writing though. From what I've seen in your blog, you're very talented and I wish you much luck in getting published sometime soon.

Kalei said...

I think you should take your writings to Shutterfly and make yourself a hard bound book. The cost. You can scan your pages in writen form or type out your pages once more. The cost is around $35.00 and it doesn't have to have any pictures in it. I did a couple of books recently and it made me feel accomplished and something you worked hard on can be put to some sort of completion, even in waiting. It will give you something to place on a coffee table or bookshelf till the time is write....right. good luck!

Rhaingel said...

Kalei: Well, hey! Thank so much for dropping by my blog and giving me sound advices. I'll be thinking about that. I just heard about that Shutterffly now. I am from the Philippines and I would like to ask if it's still applicable here. Anyway, I am so glad to hear that you feel so accomplished after publishing your book. Congratulations! :)

RENA: That is really uplifting. I am actually not mad with the guy who has my stories. There is really no hard feelings. Maybe that plan will push through someday. Thank you so much for your advice. I'll follow it.I will write more and MORE though my schedule sucks. :)
PS. Thanks for the hugs too. That is one of the best things in life. :)

B LUIS GREY:Really! I felt so excited after he asked me to write and be a part of a book but then I think, this isn't it yet. It's okay for now and I am crossing my fingers, too. Thanks for dropping by! :)

Rhaingel said...

NORA MACFARLANE: ... and that made it your advice, too. I will be taking it. Soon, I'll be learning to balance my time and pursue only those plans that are applicable in my schedule. You're so much welcome and thanks, too. :)

MIND OF MADMAN: Thanks for that wonderful comment. Yeah right. I should just write... and forget about the rest. :)

THE RAMBLER: Since I was in grade 1, I saw the English language as a means to communicate and express myself. The truth is I am more fluent with my Filipino language and writing but then one of the reasons why I write and why I blog is to be equally comfortable wih English as I am in Filipino. I'll keep on writing... that's for sure. Thanks for dropping by. You made my heart swell with joy. :)

Anonymous said...

Hey Rhaingel, don't be discouraged. Life can be like that - there is disappointment and hardship interspersed among the good things. The key is not to focus so much on the bad, but make the most out of the good. Even though this 'book deal' hasn't amounted to much, you've learned from it. You've thought about it, the idea has matured in your mind... Good things are still in your future, I know it! Keep on blogging and never give up! Rabies Warrior

Rhaingel said...

RABIES WARRIOR: Thanks for the comment. I am not discouraged. I am really okay. I've surely learned from it and sort of grew up because of it. Someday, when everything is fine, I'll push through that plan and do it whatever it takes. For now, I'll just focus on Math and with this blog. This is like a daily practice. ;)