Monday, February 23, 2009

My Week: An Endless Ferris Wheel

I wasn’t sure what happened to SUNDAY. That made me convinced that I spent it between integrals and areas of regions. If something more interesting than numbers occurred that day, then I’ll remember it and I’ll be writing that here but it seems that there is none.

The morning part of my MONDAY was very idle. I was determined to do other things apart from dealing with those Calculus stuff. I felt like I was suffocated and that I have to switch my attention to different things. I don’t want to travel to my university at that time. Partly because I will be alone there once more and partly because I know that if I stayed in my dormitory again, I will be doing nothing except to review my notes. I want to do something more fun than that. Nevertheless, after the sun lost some of its flicks, I traveled and there was this very confusing weather. It’s very hot then it will rain hard. Really, it was a source of head ache. After I reached Quezon City, I went to a mall first. I was determined to have fun. I went to the grocery and eventually decided that this week will be my “thrift week”. I noticed that for the past few weeks, I’ve been growing less concern about the money I do spend. Money cannot buy happiness, yes, but I thought that I should spend my allowance wisely. After all, it was coming from my mom’s hard work and sacrifices. I should take in considerations. As I was saying, I bought some grocery items for myself. Among these are the following: oatmeal for cold mornings, chips for boring afternoons and instant noodles and canned goods for I-am-tired-to-cook evenings. After buying these stuffs, I was supposed to go home but I didn’t yet. I met my love and love’s sister in the bookstore of that mall. It was a simple yet very wonderful experience and I must say that I was tensed. Well, who wouldn’t be? As a person, I care about how people see me. It doesn’t work for everyone though. I care about how those SPECIAL people see me. Period.

TUESDAY has affected me emotionally. At first, it was a whole bunch of “okay” things then during my last class, I realized something which I took for granted for the longest time. My mom and dad are separated and my sister and I are staying on my mom. My dad has a different family now. Things seem to be okay now. Though there are still hard feelings, I can see that my parents try everything to be civil with each other for us. My dad visits us occasionally for financial support and to check whether or not we are fine with our lives. Although majority of my personhood, accepted it, there is still this hoping part of me that prays every night that they may find reconciliation and they may find the way back into each other’s arms. I cannot believe that a happy ending wasn’t achieved by my parents. I want our family to be intact again and to wish for it while seeing that it is almost impossible now is very difficult. The reason I remembered about my situation is that we are going to talk about that in our group discussion. I felt a loud “lub-dub” in my chest. I might have appeared strong when talking about families and depriving myself of those tears but I don’t know what’s going to happen when my classmates started asking me about my own drama story. I felt that something is wrong in my concept of family. What happened to us affected me. The rest of the day went on without me thinking about that. Once again, I took it for granted. For me, that is the best way to focus on my studies. That is the best way to enjoy things. After all, everything ends up alright. Right?

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