Saturday, February 07, 2009

My Week: Heterogeneous

SUNDAY was a Math day and you’re right if you do think that this is not in any form of grumble and complains. I am very glad that I managed to spend my waking hour dealing with numbers and keeping in mind that complaining won’t bring me anywhere. Now I realize that Math is not there to burden me. It was always there before I even existed and I was the one who chose to be in that field. Everything is difficult and the handling thing is actually up to me.

MONDAY was great. It was a heterogeneous mixture of emotions. The start of the day was great for I spent it with a friend whom I already treat as an older brother. We were both on our way to school. After I reached my university, I was supposed to open my notes and deal with numbers again but then I found it quite confusing. I know that I am the kind of person who is very prone to mental-block. It happens and so I decided to just chitchat with my classmates and let fate dictate my score. I know that I could have done better. I’ll lie if I say that there are no regrets but I also think that if I reviewed instead of laughing out loud, that day will just be pure torture. After I passed my exams, my head started to ache. It was an obvious representation of something I pushed even though limitations already submerged in. I was okay though. I was supposed to buy a gift for a writer I am supposed to interview for my report. I did but it was more than what I expected. There was this newly-opened mall around North EDSA, Philippines. I went there with someone of great importance, hang in there, spent a couple of hours telling stories about how our weekends went and ate some doughnuts. It was wonderful. I mean, I know that a mall was a public place and that people are walking all around it but amazingly, I cannot remember even a single face except his. That moment, I realized why my weekend was not that happy. I realize what’s wrong and what’s lacking and thanks to that unexpected twist. It surely made my heart swell with joy. I went home bringing with me an unexpected Monday.

TUESDAY was also a combination of such happy moments and frustrations. The truth is that I wanted to end that day because of fear of receiving more frustrations that may break my anticipation. I was afraid of going back to the past week which is full of disappointments. I had a deadline for a project which is Wednesday. I know that staying up late by Tuesday evening will make me finish that project which I’ve been making for almost a month. After I went home from school, I sat and made myself a cup of hot milk to fight drowse. I did but the problem is that I cannot open my laptop. A virus swallowed all its files and programs. I was doomed or so I once felt. I immediately cried not because of any reason except hopelessness and helplessness. I was desperate. Well, who won’t be? After spending months on working for it, it was all gone and I am bound to repeat everything. I tried to think that when I was still in high school, similar things happen but the difference is that I haven’t worked that long for a something only to lose it. No one wished for it. I have no one to blame. I wasn’t sure if tomorrow will be great enough for me to celebrate but I soothe myself with thought like I’ll make it no matter what and if ever I wasn’t able to make it, a ten point deduction won’t dictate my lifestyle forever. I just have to let that go. I took a pill of optimism and closed my eyes. “Tomorrow will be better if not great,” I said in my dreams.

No comments: