Saturday, February 14, 2009

My Week: Reflections

SUNDAY was filled with moments to rest and prepare for the next week. It will be big. It will be exhausting, I know. I’ll be back to the studying mode where pressure was present no matter what I do. The previous week was awesome and I felt like I was kind of trap between a really good one and the uncertainty. There was an easy choice between the two. I was holding the previous week. No, not just holding but I was grasping it. I don’t want it to go. I don’t want it to be history. I can hardly accept that it was over, that it was part of the past. Nevertheless, I convinced myself that there will still be a next time and it is bound to be better and happier. I ended the day with a prayer of gratitude for God allowed me to have such memories despite of all the imperfections and wrong-doings I did.

I was supposed to head back to my dormitory last MONDAY but something seemed to be stopping me. Mind you, it’s not a paranormal thing. Perhaps, it was just the perfectly valid excuse for all time, laziness. To live in the second floor of a boarding house, deserted and silent is a real challenge for me. I say that our home is the exact opposite of that boarding house and if it’s not because of the ambitions I still have, I won’t bite boredom. Not even a bit, not at all. I stayed at our home though I was supposed to travel. I just thought that I can travel tomorrow morning. I had an extended weekend and that was a blessing.

I went to school last TUESDAY morning and the first part of my day involved seeing a dead man lying on the academic oval. Oh, the horror of going to school and seeing someone dead, lying on the ground. Until now, I am horror-struck whenever that thought visits my psyche. I am glad that as the day continued, I was able to switch my attention to different things. Math is one. Chemistry is another. There are a lot of things that I should deal with, things which are supposed to be getting majority of my attention. I was glad that I had all the time of my life after I went home. There is less to do and I tried to accomplish everything smoothly.

WEDNESDAY was long. I was able to sleep at three in the morning. At ordinary days, I am already on bed at ten in the evening. Last Wednesday, I was air gliding at ten, shouting and singing in a concert at nine, clapping my hands at eight, moving around the place at seven and was having my dinner at six. My friends and I went to a concert and had a nice time there, if you will ask me. It was a day that time wasn’t counted and the only thing I was thinking about is how to make him happy or happier in any sense. Some thoughts dominated me again. One was if ever I made a difference in anyone’s life which is positive. I am the girl your moms warned you about. I don’t deal with school that much and I wonder if I am making an impact on my friends’ lives that are in a negative way. I wanted them to have the best lives they can ever had and if I am influencing them badly, I thought, I should distant myself a little. I felt that I was changing their lifestyles. I thought that I am teaching them to live their lives at the fullest, just like what I am doing, and forgetting our responsibilities as sons and daughters and as conscientious students. I want them to be happy. That was one thing I always pray for and I am always working on but if they’ll be scolded because of being so much out of control, I won’t be happy for them and I will be sorry for them.

2 comments:

Mon said...

Asan na yung THURS and FRI? hehe
anyways, u don't sound like a bad influence to your friends naman eh.. easy lang!! i know u'r a good person, the fact that u pray a lot is already a manifestation that u are not a bad influence at all. naks! kung mag-comment ako, parang close tayo noh? hehe.. just my 2 cents.
ingats!!

Rhaingel said...

@MON:

The THursday to Saturday thing is already posted. I just wish that I am really not a bad influence to them. I want them to have the best and if ever I do have wrongdoings, I want only myself to pay its price. Thanks for the comfort. I appreciated it. Okay lang 'yun. haha. take care! :D