Saturday, February 14, 2009

Sarcastically Me

If there is a thing that confuses me most about myself is that I am delightfully sarcastic. I do a lot of ironic things. My actions, at times, don’t speak my words. My words too, sometimes, don’t do my actions.

I smile my best when I am dying inside and when I am kind of exploding because of intense happiness, I say that I am just “kind of” happy. It’s weird but true. I just don’t know how to express myself exactly and so I entrust the figuring out part on the people around me. I try to look my best during my worst days, fooling other people’s eyes and during my best days, I play in the mud and get out of control. That makes me even happier. I laugh my heart out when I am sad and when I am glad, no joke can ever tickle me up. It’s just that I am already perfectly happy and nothing can ever break that apart. Whenever I am exhausted, I exhaust myself more, leaving nothing for myself and when I have all the energy, I spend it all in sleeping and being idle. Inactivity is one of the best things in life. I tend to focus more on things whenever I am emotionally unstable and I deal with things lightly when I am okay emotionally. I say, “I am okay”, whenever I am not and I say the same thing when I really mean it. I convince others first that I am fine and afterwards, I convince myself. That’s the easiest way I see to get over anything.

Whenever I am depressed, I seldom eat. I don’t have the appetite. I don’t pig out unlike every girl does but whenever I am happy, I eat what I see: no diet and no limits. If you will compare those times I cried, you’ll see that there are more of them caused by joy rather than gloom. I am a completely insane person and a lot random one. I say that I do understand things whenever I really can’t see its point and I say I appreciate it somehow whenever I understood it fully. I don’t know why I love such irony. Perhaps I love confusing other people, too. As a child, I wanted to grow up quickly, wondering what’s there beyond the playhouse and if life is really hard as the older people usually say thus and now, I am missing the innocence I once had. Whenever it’s Monday, I always look forward to Friday and as soon as Friday strikes, I am already longing for Monday, missing the people who complete my heart. I get mad at people and when I am mad, I want to see them soon. Maybe I want to fix things but quite scared to admit that I do.

I deal with problems with jokes and I deal with light things with serious quotations. It’s my unique way of maintaining equilibrium in my life. As a child, I don’t believe in fairies and angels but I have my faith in them now. Maybe because there are certain things which I find myself contented whenever I believe in.

There are many things that confuse me most about life and more things that confuse me most about myself. It’s funny that I treat things the sarcastic way. As much I am confused about myself, I want people to be confused with me, too. Weird. Insane. I know but that’s the way I live my life.

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