Saturday, February 28, 2009

Summer is Coming but Vacation isn't

Summer is coming. It’s roughly a month from now and I’ll say that the second semester is done. Honestly, I don’t know what to feel and how to act accordingly. This is a hopeless case of a drama queen trying to find the perfect lines to make her audience symphatize with her.

First of all, I won’t be having a formal vacation. I’ll be having a summer classes: the price I have to pay for not studying my Math lessons and taking for granted those examinations I badly needed to pass. My blog has been an evidence of those days I spent just slacking around or writing senseless stuffs instead of dealing with numbers. That means two things. First, I’ll still be staying on the university and in my dormitory while a normal student is staying on his/her home, sleeping early and getting up late, no Calculus stuff, no deadlines, just reading a pocket book and no projects to pass. Second, that doesn’t sound that fun.

While my other classmates are counting the days so that they’ll finally put an end to the second hell semester, I am counting the days that I’ll be having this genuine smile I have in me. The truth is, I want to rest but I don’t want the second semester to end. This is exactly the same feeling I had after the first semester has officially ended: uncertain about my own emotions. By now, I am imagining how my days will run: no beach party for summer, no overnight stays in Baguio, no I-can-stay-awake-all-night-because-there’s-nothing-to-do-tomorrow days. What I’ll have are lines which runs thus “Sorry I can’t join you tonight because I have a class tomorrow”, and missed opportunities. Everything seems to give me a sigh.

I know. I still got almost a month to enjoy what I have and make the most out of it. A month seems to be a long time but I notice that days seem to fly that easily. Days seem to rush themselves like yesterday was Monday and now it’s Saturday. I am still astonished whenever I think about how fast is everything. I am not yet enrolled on my summer classes. I am still not a hundred percent certain that I’ll be taking that failed subject again yet I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that it is already April and I am having a battle against sleepiness while my professor is in his climax of antiderivatives and word problems. As much as possible, I don’t want to have any regrets like I wasn’t able to make the most of what I have. Well, who wants that? I don’t want to commit those same mistakes. I am convincing myself now that a little of sacrifice is very helpful and that it can lead into something which I will be forever thankful for. I am convincing myself now that summer classes won’t hurt my ego although it will deprive me of things like vacation and relaxation. I am fooling myself once more.

Enough for this post. I am making the atmosphere here heavy again. Maybe this is just a product of stress and inner fright. I must admit, I am too exhausted to make a post. I just don’t want to mark an end to my February with just nineteen posts. I need it to be at least twenty. Perhaps, after I finish what I need to accomplish, I will be writing about better and lighter things.

Dearest readers, thank you for bearing with my insanity!

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