Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Knock on Wood

Knock on wood. If a doctor will tell me that I only got three days left in my life, what shall I do? An eerie question, that is, but it made me think about what I will do and what are the important things which matters most in my life.

After knowing that I only got three days, maybe I’ll spend the first day staying on my room and crying hard over the sad news. It’s not what I really want to do but being a person with soft heart, I think that no matter how I try to enjoy the first day, I’ll still end up lonely and unconvinced. People always have this denial stage and I want to experience that, too. I am spending the first day by accepting the situation I am in and convincing myself that 48 hours is long enough for me to squeeze decades in there. I know that it’s going to be really hard but maybe, I’ll end up realizing that life is a sweet torture and what matters most is that I was able to live it to the fullest and if ever I have regrets, I still have some time to correct those. I’ll make sure that drama will just be present on the first day and I won’t cry or emote for the same reason again. I’ll forgive myself and reminisce about the happy moments so that I will have enough reasons to say that my life has been very meaningful.

As soon as the clock ticks twelve and the second day transitions itself in, I’ll get a pad of paper and a pen and I’ll write letters to those who touched my life. I’ll begin by saying thank you to my mom because she is such a joy to me. Her role to my life is incomparable and I’ll say sorry too for all the disappointments I caused her. There were times when my mom and I had some arguments and I am proud to say that it just happens occasionally. We get along very well as if I got a friend and a mother at the same time. The second letter I’ll write is for my sister. I think it will be composed of gratitude too for she made me very happy and smiling all of the times. I will tell her that I am very happy that she is my sister and that I am so proud of her and her achievements. My letter to her will also be filled with advices and reminders about life. My third letter will be to my father. I will probably begin by saying that if ever I became mad at him, I encountered forgiveness just before I leave. I think it’s very vital for his peace of mind. I’ll probably beg him to come home and tell him about all those hatred and hard feelings I felt after I realized that I lost a father. I don’t want my sister to feel that too and so I’ll tell him my predictions of what’s going to happen if ever the situation becomes worse. My fourth letter is for the one I love and though he really changed my life and made it a better one and though I have a lot of wrongdoings which affected him, maybe I won’t write a long letter because I know that while he is reading it, he might shower into tears and I don’t want that to happen. Maybe I’ll just write a simple letter, something written into a pink-colored stationery and mainly composed of reminders to be happy all the time and take care of himself. Maybe those letters will eat the first four hours of my life and just before the sun shines, I’ll dress up and get ready for a big day. I’ll jog first and feel my breathing body burning with heat. I’ll return home and cook bacon, egg and fried rice for my mom. I’ll make some hot chocolate and drop tiny marshmallows in there, put everything in a tray and say, “Good morning!” as I enter her room and serve her breakfast in bed. Maybe it’s time for me to do the things she untiringly do for me and the thought that I made her surprised and happy is more than enough for me to cry tears of joy silently as I closed her door and proceed to the shower to take a bath. Afterwards, I’ll sit on our balcony with the flowers and plants that my mom used to sing at every morning. I’ll bring my laptop and write about how my life has been and of course, publish it on my blog where people can see and can judge. It’s just sad that I will no longer hear their constructive criticisms. Maybe I’ll finish at twelve, just perfect for lunch time. I can actually imagine myself eating fish with dirty hands and vinegar on my left. I’ll savor the moment and use my every taste bud to appreciate the food my mom prepared for us. Afterwards, I’ll thank her again and kiss her on her cheek. I’ll go to the schools I once enrolled in and see the teachers who have a very large part on molding me to the person I am now. I’ll talk to them and tell them how important they are and ask them to mold other kids too. I’ll remind them about their special part on making this world a better place. I’ll go to the houses of the people I believe I hurt the most and tell them that I am sorry and mean it. I’ll explain to them and won’t leave until such time that forgiveness is already present and that they don’t have any hard feelings for me. This will make me achieve a very peaceful mind. After doing these things, I think, it is already six o’clock. Maybe I’ll check my e-mail and answer all those concerned messages that went unanswered once. I’ll read my blog and all those entries in there and laugh at the things I became exaggerated at. I’ll reminisce how my life has been and as soon as my mom calls me for dinner, I’ll eat with them and be very thankful for a very supportive family. I’ll share stories about what happened to me during the day and little by little, talk about how I was when I was still in kindergarten. After washing the dishes, I’ll clean myself up and wear my pajamas. I’ll go to my mom’s room with my big teddy bear and ask her to comb my long hair until it doesn’t look like a tangled phone wire. As our conversation digs deeper, I’ll ask her to read me bed time stories, the kind which never failed to make me interested. I know that she will feel unusual with it but I’ll just say that I want to feel being a child again when playing outside was always enough. I’ll sleep a deep one and wake up anytime I want.

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