Friday, March 27, 2009

The "Me" and The "Was Me"

It’s been a year since I graduated from high school. Honestly, I can still remember some lines on my speech. I can still smell the perfume sprayed on me just before the event started and how my hair was brushed. I can still remember those silly reasons why I laughed and cried when I was with my high school friends. Until now, a part of me is still attached to the “Jha” called by many. I can still feel that in me.

As soon as I realized then that I am stepping into a lot higher level which happens to be college, I became excited. I sensed independence that I did not fully achieve while I was still in high school. Having the privilege of studying in UP is something momentous and comes only once. I cannot afford to lose that opportunity and so I grabbed and embraced it. Unfortunately, of all the batch mates I have, I was the only one who enrolled in the mentioned university. That means two things: first, I won’t have initial friends in there and I have to make one or two if I want to survive and fight loneliness. Second, I am part of the minority. More than half of us chose to stay in Malolos where the air is fresh and home is just a jeepney away. They are actually the majority I am talking about. Five of my closest friends are studying in UST which is about an hour travel from UP and three are in the nearby schools of UST. That means, they see each other regularly.

Months have passed and I know that it was not me who was overwhelmed with college. It is not our life. It is not what we’re used to. Being happy-go-lucky is what my life dictated me to be. It is not the reality we were taught about but this is what’s going on right now and we cannot go back and stay fourth year forever. We have to grow and adjust to the situation. Saying that, I also mean, change ourselves for the better. It includes being more mature and knowing our priorities. If not for the betterment of friendship developed, just betterment of oneself. I think, a part of stepping into college includes developing new friends apart from those whom you are already closed with and being close to them too. My difference with the others is that I adjusted by myself and through the help of other adjusting freshman in my university while my high school classmates adjusted by themselves and through the help of each other. Instantly, friendships were nurtured and developed. There are no regrets in my part that I wasn’t able to be a part of the majority who were able to still be with each other although graduation put an end to being classmates and schoolmates with each other. After all, I am so much happy and contented with my life and I cannot imagine my life being even greater than this. I made the right choices and if ever I lost some friendships, it’s better than losing a life.

So why am I talking about this today? I just feel like reminiscing my life a year after I entered a big transition that changed me as a person. I feel nostalgic, yes, and I don’t know how to say, “Though I was really away, I am still the person you once laughed and cried with”. I don’t know how to reach out and convince people that I changed because I need to. I did not turn my back from the friendship and as far as my schedule allows me, I go to reunions and get-togethers in order to catch up from them and hear their exciting stories. As far as I know, I changed but never forget and if people need me, I am still the person who will help them as long as I can. Pictures faded and academics swallowed all of us but there is still the part in me that says I am still too young to enjoy a part of my life with them, still too young to do the things we laugh upon remembering. I still got the insane part of me and hell, it will never go away.

I am still me, believe it or not.

2 comments:

lucas said...

hays...your nostalgia is as infectious as chicken pox in our house.

i miss schooling. especially high school. T_T

Rhaingel said...

@LUCAS:

I do hope that everything goes away soon- my nostalgia and the chicken pox virus in your house :D