Monday, March 30, 2009

When Did Everything Change?

I went home from the dirty street where I’ve just finished running away from my playmates. They were just too slow for me. I was sure then that my mom will be mad at me for the soiled and disgusting shirt I wore. She’ll complain about washing it and how expensive the soap is. She reminded me just before I went outside to keep myself tidy even if I am playing outside and be home before four in the afternoon, clean, neat and smelling pleasantly. It was already five-thirty and I was tiptoeing my way to my room. I don’t know where my mom is and it’s nice that she was unaware of what I did. I fell into a deep sleep with my dirty feet and sweaty neck. Nobody was certain about tomorrow.

The alarm clock hysterically woke up everyone else in the house including my mom. It was just too loud that everyone became consciously aware that it was already morning. I stood up and combed my hair in front of the mirror. I can hardly open my eyes because I am still sleepy and when I finally did, gosh! A seventeen year old lady is standing in front of me. Where she did come from and who she is, I don’t know. I closed my eyes again, counted one to ten, in disbelief on what happened and I was just in seven when I heard my mom’s voice scolding me for going home at two and ignoring my exams. I can’t remember exactly what event she was pertaining to. I know I exceeded my curfew but where did she get the “2 am” thing? I know I played yesterday but where did she get the “party” thing? Everything is seemingly confusing.

Wait, wait, wait. I still cannot figure out when everything changed. The playmates I had yesterday are busy with their boyfriends and husband for some. We are now attending school and playing computer games instead of dolls. We seldom run now and wear our shoes or slippers whenever we do. My mom has different concerns for me now. It’s not the untidiness of my dress but its length and its style. I cannot point out where that transition point is but I know that nothing remained constant except my name and later on, it will change, too. I cannot point the exact time that everything started changing. Maybe it was chronic, like a disease, like a deadly disease. It was just the horror to sleep with your immaturity and wake up to find out that you grew a lot overnight, that you changed a lot since your last picture taken. If life is just this fast, I can find myself in death bed in my next waking up. Oh, the horror to find myself gray and wrinkled after a good night sleep!

When someone asks you about yourself or you have to fill-up a form concerning this description, maybe it’s best to answer like Alice in Wonderland and say, “I don’t know. I changed a lot since this morning”. Maybe it’s best to remain safe rather than be inconsistent on how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you as a person. You might write something about the self you used to be and be nostalgic after sometime because of the realization that you were in fact, better yesterday and that you cannot go back to that person you used to be.

I’ve been keeping in mind the quote which runs thus: The only constant thing in this world is change but dealt with it just now. Maybe I am seeing myself in this quote and analyzing lately how my life has been, I’ve been growing more concerned about changes and similar stuffs. I don’t know why.


lucas said...

this post reminded me of the movie 13 going on 30 starring jennifer garner. time runs fast and most of the time, our maturity grows very slow and late that when we wake up, we tend to get surprised...

Rhaingel said...


I miss my innocence. I miss how easy life was when I was still little. :D