Saturday, April 11, 2009

Bites from Insects and the Past

April 11, 2009
Dear Friend,

Today is a bit lighter and I am glad that things are getting better for me. I want to be well again and I am not happy with my drama. I want to eventually get over the thing. I woke up at twelve noon, kind of long hours of sleep. I was so tired and I don’t know why. Anyway, I woke up and saw these little bumps on my back, arms and legs. These were insect bites and very itchy. My mom saw them and got mad. I do not know to whom but maybe, not on me because I was just sleeping and I don’t want that to happen to me. Anyway, as the clock turned two, I felt hot and I was. My mom said I have a fever and I look pale and she instructed me to go to my room and rest there but I wasn’t tired at that moment, not any more. Nevertheless, I followed her instructions. They say that mothers know best and that won’t be continuously repeated over the years if it’s not true.

I remembered that I had these similar bites when I was high school and I see this as a déjà vu, only, this is a lot worse. I will be having my impromptu speech in a competition outside the school. The day before that, a friend invited me to watch his table tennis competition and so I did. I thought that it is a perfect timing to lessen the pressure for the competition the next day. After all, I spent months preparing for it and I am ready. He lost his competition and I went home with insect bites on my arms, hoping that those will subside in a couple of hours. Seven at that evening, I felt dizzy and I told my mom and she told me the same thing she did a while ago. She saw the bites and she felt the same thing she felt a while ago. That morning of my competition, I can hardly get up but I thought that that was my last year in high school and I did everything to prepare and win. If not win, at least, prove something. I shouldn’t let that pass and leave me regrets later on. My mom said that I shouldn’t go to the competition anymore. I wasn’t feeling and thinking good but I insisted and she knows how important that competition is for me so she agreed, only with the condition that I’ll go home immediately, right after the winners were announced. I went there and my coach saw me. He said that I shouldn’t go there anymore but I know that he was happy that I did. To make the long story short, I still made it and that made the incident more satisfying.

I am full of bites of insects and bites of the past, nostalgia, that is but that doesn’t make me sad. I know that I am just feeling like this because I have nothing to do and whenever I am bored, I feel sad because I remember everything. Nevertheless, I have two days left for my vacation and it’s pretty short for a lazy person like me. I am still attached to my bed and I don’t want to be separated with it. I realized that my vacation is too short for me to ruin everything. I just hope that as I became better, emotionally and eventually getting rid of these bites, the people I bothered will also get better completely because I cannot forgive myself if I am feeling good and others are still stuck with my drama. I feel guilty for that.

Love always,
Rhaingel

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