Friday, April 17, 2009

What I'm Missing and What I'm Loving

April 17, 2009
Dear Friend,

I woke up at 5:20 today, five minutes late for my “leaving time” and an hour late for my “waking-up time”. It was because of an alarm clock failure. So as I was taking a bath and rushing things, my mom was grumbling and scolding me for what happened. Swear, it was worse than the situation. It made my blood flow towards a different direction. You know when it’s your fault and the others are blaming you for what happened, it is simply irritating. They are giving more weights to the fault. It also occurred to me that it was Friday, my glory day, and the day I was actually waiting for. Then I realized that it is not everyday that these kinds of things happen. For the past few days, I’ve been living a routine. Nothing similar has ever occurred. Though not a very good one, this is still a twist, something that breaks my usual activities and spices up everything else. Then I got sad because in the back of my mind, I had another realization. This may be the only twist in my life today. After this, there may not be another one and everything is back to its normal mode, like a repeating déjà vu, like something unexplainably boring. I stopped the drama because it was too early to conclude those things. It was morning and really, you’ll never know what will happen.

Now, I am kind of laughing while writing this post. It is just that I assumed too many negative things and I ended up as again, surprised. I met the person I really love a while ago, spent some time updating him how I’d been and listening to how he’d been. He is not having any summer class and thus doesn’t have any sensible reason to go to the university. What happened seemed to be ordinary, only there was him and that made my day extra special and the ultimate highlight of the week. It was really an end to my very boring summer life. I know that on Monday, I’ll be back again into waking up, surviving Math and heading home but maybe, I’ll be thinking how he lights up everything else when he is around and how everything sparkles when he smiles. Maybe in that way, I can encourage myself to go on with this routine and be patient because after all, being with him is worth the entire waiting and all the sacrifices.

Today was humid and made me recall about the things or people I am grateful for. This summer semester is a lot different from my first two semesters in college, and this will probably be the nth time I am saying this. A while ago, I felt that today is also the same as the first two semesters, most especially the second one. I realized and saw the things which I am missing. I am aware that I am missing something but I cannot point that out. Now, I know them very well. It is the comfortable feeling I never failed to have whenever I talk to him and tell him what’s up though yesterday was the last time that I updated him. It’s the charm of his caring and the sweetness that gives me the thrills whenever I’m alone. It’s the simple comfy feeling when I rest my head on his shoulders and the way I walk really slowly whenever he is at my side. It is the sound of his "I love you" entering my ears, echoing in my heart, resounding for the rest of the day, convincing me that it was half-dream and half-happening, making me smile, making me happy and most especially, making me fall more deeply. Those are some of the things which I don’t have for this summer semester and though little they may seem, it is a lot different without those. Those things surely made such difference in my life that I am seeing myself hungry for it for the past few days. Nevertheless, today put an end to all of my starvation. I love how everything happened but I still love him more.

Love always,
Rhaingel

2 comments:

lucas said...

being in love and not being with the person you love makes all the difference...

life is still full of surprises. malay mo, kayo tlaga :)

Rhaingel said...

@LUCAS:

Super nakakamiss lang talaga. Hmm.. Sana nga, kami talaga. Salamat! :)