Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Morning Sickness

As I make my bed this morning, my eyes still trying to figure out where am I, my calendar told me that it’s May 28, year of the Lord. Everything's normal. As the aroma of coffee penetrates my room and every neuron in my brain, I tied the curtain with a purple ribbon I found on the side. It’s not everyday that I do that. I just felt a little warm so breeze from the trees will be very refreshing. The tied curtain allowed me to see what’s behind the windows. I stared at the house across ours and the street that separates the two. Memories came crashing by and I cannot help but go back to my innocence and think that this is just a dream contained in another dream. You know those sorts of things, right? You were sleeping and in your dream, you were also dreaming about something else. I felt that way a while ago and the struggle to wake up was difficult and drowning.

I stared at the street for a minute or two. There is where I usually played when I was younger. There is where I learned games like hide and seek, tumbang preso and habulan. I know every stone in that street, every bump and every playing card hidden underneath the plants and pots. There is where I got wounded and cried hard and cursed my playmates and promised never to play with them again until tomorrow and I forgot everything that happened.

My eyes switched to the house across ours. It is full of blooming flowers and I can see the rocking chair on the morning sunshine. There is where Mommy Odek usually sits and takes her naps during afternoons. There is where I ate a lot of jackfruit salad cooked by Mommy Odek and vomited everything as soon as I got home. There is where I played with dogs and chewed a lot of gums that made me go to the dentist the next day. There is where I learned how to play jack stone and how I practiced to catch the ball as soon as it bounced from the ground.

Now, my playmates are all gone and who replaced them are matured people whose main focus now is not to win the game but be successful in their own chosen fields. Yesterday, I saw them again and they were all crying for the burial of my Mommy Odek who had treated them as her own sons and daughters, too. These playmates are not crying because they lost in the game but because they lost someone who is very important in their lives, most especially in their childhoods. It’s so different to see them that way but more different to see Mommy Odek on her coffin. I still want her look when she naps on her rocking chair, very peaceful but you know that sooner, she'll wake up.

“Those realizations are already enough,” I said and I closed the windows again and let down the curtains. It’s better to feel warm throughout the day than feel the coldness within because of those realizations. Just like everyone said, someone dies only if she/he is forgotten and in that case, Mommy Odek will forever live. I have immortalized her in this blog and I am sure that other people closed to her will do the same in their own life’s chronicle. I am not the only one who saw that she is such a blessing and I am not the only one who learned a lot from her and is planning to live with the values she taught us.

The windows are now closed and the rain poured.


lucas said...

[You were sleeping and in your dream, you were also dreaming about something else.]

I never experienced anything like this before. pero lagi ko siyang napapanood sa mga movies, esp sa mga thrillers. :D

I'm fine, Rhaingel :) Thanks.Emo lang talaga ako. hehe!

ShatterShards said...

It's really hard loosing someone you look up to. It's like waking up one morining and realizing that gravity does not exist. It's disorienting.

I feel for you. Hang in there.

Rhaingel said...

haha. but it isn't supposed to be thrilling or scary. Haha. Thanks for dropping by! It's nice to know that you're fine :)

Thank you so much. The hardest part was not the wake and not the burial. It's the part when you go home and realize that it's not anymore the same. That someone is not where she is supposed to be. Thanks for the sympathy. :)