Sunday, May 03, 2009

Out of Place

May 3, 2009
Dear Friend,

There were times when I am certain that there’s something wrong with me.

Today, every Filipino is in triumph because of Manny Pacquiao’s victory against Ricky Hatton. It was a good fight, something that really lifted Manny up. I won’t be dealing much about that because you can youtube it and judge it according to your own points of view and besides, I am trying to be not biased since I am also a Filipino. Well, as I was saying, while everyone is in triumph, I found myself alone. Not literally, but emotionally and being alone literally is a lot better than feeling thus figuratively.

As much as I am glad about the triumph, I am also proud so my feeling of being alone is not because I don’t care about Manny whose fight is a phenomenon in the Philippines. I got sad because while we were having our dinner a while ago, I felt out of place and awww… I felt out of place in my own family. That’s one thing. They were entertaining my stories but I felt that they were listening because I’ll get sad if they didn’t but if they have a choice, they won’t. I felt sad because I realized that they were listening because it was like an obligation for them. All of us have that kind of sensitivity that we’ll sense whenever people are uninterested on our stories and a while ago, my sensitivity reacted. I did not want to believe my instincts right away so I talked again, giving them more interesting stories then my sensitivity reacted again. I was sure.

I realized that maybe, I shouldn’t talk that much. Maybe it’s best to just write everything because people will always have a choice to read or not to and in that way, I won’t feel out of place. I know that it’s wrong to feel this way especially in my own family and I would like to think that there is just something wrong with me, that I am just upset about my exams tomorrow and bothered about unsolved problems. Maybe, I am feeling this way because I am now too much attached to Math and stuff and so I feel that people, especially my family, do not anymore understand my opinions and views on things.

Tomorrow is Monday and expectedly, I am going to see my classmates and friends. Maybe they’ll be interested about how my long weekend went and if they showed enthusiasm, I’ll share stories and be glad that there are still people who are excited to hear about me but if they don’t, maybe I’ll keep all these inside me, where it is safe and nurtured and show people that what I’m after are related rates and answers on optimization problems.

We are approaching lessons on integrals and I am preparing myself for draining days. I mean, more draining days.

Love always,
Rhaingel

4 comments:

Sportsbettingcentre said...

That man Pacquiao is the best pound for pound fighter there is. The Philippines must be very proud of him. I'm proud of him, and I'm British!

Anonymous said...

I always like reading your blog and hearing what you have to say. Self-expression is an important thing -- whether it's shouted from the top of a mountain, or scrawled in the sand before a passing wave laps over it... Good luck with the studies. You're a smart person and I believe you are especially Blessed.
ingats. Rabies Warrior

Rhaingel said...

@SPORTSBETTINGCENTRE:

I expected Pacman to win but not that easy and fast. I guess, he really prepared a lot for that match and I am indeed proud of him. He can make all the Filipino people merge into one whenever he has a fight :D

Rhaingel said...

@ KUYA STEVE:

Thank you for dropping by here. It's been quite a while since I last talked to you. Anyway, I hope that you are in a good condition. Aren't you going to visit the Philippines now? Hmmm.. Take care! :)