Saturday, May 30, 2009

Sorry Cinderella

May 30, 2009 – May 31, 2009

23:15
Forty-five minutes to go before everything turns into pumpkins again. There isn’t much left to do than wait desperately for that time then conclude that it’s gone, that it will never repeat itself. The fantasies are all gone. The assurance is also nowhere now. It’s very sarcastic that I did everything a while ago just to produce a post and now, everything is running smoothly and effortlessly. I’m overwhelmed. I’m drowning. Thoughts and ideas are everywhere. They are everything I see now and they are telling me to write them down before they, too, are gone. Forty-Forty-five minutes is too long for someone who is waiting and is too short for someone who is trying. five minutes is not forever and it’s not convincing me that it’s okay or it will be okay. Tears are the product of my desperation to make this last, to make tomorrow as sweet as yesterday and today, to make tomorrow full of spice… but tears are nothing and they won’t stop time.

23:45
Fifteen minutes. I wanted to not talk to you anymore, later than this time for this day. I wanted to sleep silently or weep silently and be not conscious of the time but I cannot. How can I deny myself with fifteen minutes of communication? How can I deprive myself to it when tomorrow, there will just be fragments? How can I miss such an opportunity? Yes. Yes. I was happy and contented before I turned into Cinderella but now that I know the big difference, I feel sorry for myself because I am scolding her that some good things doesn’t last. Tomorrow is going to be different for me but it will be usual for everyone. They won’t even have a clue that I’ve been to the party, that I met my prince charming there. They won’t know that I was the one who danced with the prince and wore a glass shoe. It’s just I who will know the dissimilarity between my usual life and my princess life. No one will even notice it.

I was half asleep and half awake. I don’t know if that’s really the case but I can see myself standing but I’m lying on my bed so I supposed that it was a dream. I can still hear the radio I left open and can still feel the ocean of sadness slowly dripping on my cheeks so I supposed that it was something real. My phone rang. No. It was just a text and then I turned to my side to read it and there was nothing. I supposed that it was really just a dream that resembles some elements of reality and then I supposed that the past two days was also just a dream that resembles some elements of reality and maybe, I shouldn’t feel bad upon waking up. I accidentally saw the time when I was checking for some message. It was 00:02. Time’s up, dear Cinderella. You’re waiting for nothing.

01:00
All I wanted to do was sleep and return to my dream and I can do it for the rest of my day. I know that when the sun finally shines or the people finally realize that today is the end of May, my realization will be today is the end of my dream and I’ll feel sorry again for Cinderella.

1 comment:

lucas said...

[Forty-five minutes is too long for someone who is waiting and is too short for someone who is trying.]

i totally agree. waiting is hard for someone who waits with a wavering faith and hope. in case of relationships, mahirap tlaga coz in the end, at least one is bound to get hurt, esp when one fell out of love...