Sunday, June 14, 2009

I was Humbled Down

The best part of this day is seeing things slapping you in the way you wished it should. Even as a young child, I see goals as things to accomplish and whatever it takes, I should see a checkmark on or before that goal. My mom would usually admire my determination towards things and even said that I usually get what I want. When I was a child, my main goal was to study in the University of the Philippines. While growing and realizing other things, my main goal was to finish a course, preferably related to Math and sail forth to the real world of working and being addicted to coffee (just kidding about the coffee). Because of achieving the goals I laid out for myself, I gained confidence that I can do anything if I will just persevere and learn to prioritize. Seeing a checkmark populating in my book called “aspirations” made me confident that I need no help.

Despite the spiritual wisdom I get from reading the bible, I found it quite difficult to believe that it’s not me who accomplishes these aims. I mean, if I aspire to pass a particular subject and I did all the hard work and sacrifices to accomplish this, doesn’t it mean that I can accept all the credits? That was my logic back then and maybe, pride is also present so I cannot change that logic. I just couldn’t, though I am aware that there’s God and He is Almighty. Though I don’t admit it and deny that kind of arrogance and self-importance, that was how I believe things. I know that God is there and I have faith in him but I have a greater faith in myself. If something wrong happened, I would prefer to believe that it’s my fault and that I wasn’t able to do my best, rather than that was God’s plan. Anything is possible with him, yes, but anything is also possible if I will persevere continuously for it. Now, I was slapped hard for all these things I usually believed in. Believe me, I am ashamed and so sorry for letting these achievements sink into me when all the while, I am nothing without God, but I am more than proud now that I was humbled down. Thank you so much for touching my heart today! I know that it’s not everyday that I realize something that I badly need in my life.

Job 38: 1 – 42 showed all my limitations. It’s true that I may know some things about finding derivatives but I don’t know the Earth’s exact measure and I cannot find and provide food for the lions. I may know how to solve Trigonometric integrals but I don’t know the rain’s father and who gives birth to the morning dew. Sure, I know how to compute the area between two curves and may do it with different methods but His ways are not my ways as His thoughts are not my thoughts. I may know if a certain vehicle will hit the sleeping cat, provided that I know the distance between them, the speed of the car before the breaks were applied and the time when the breaks were applied but He already know what’s going to happen even before the cat was born. I don’t know how the Orion was formed but He does because He was the one who created it. Thank you for making me realize my limitations, I should have seen it while dealing with Math and seeing the horizon. Thank you for making me realize that what I know about life and certain wisdom from all of my experiences is nothing compared to what I still don’t know about life and what I still need to figure out.

I really couldn’t have done everything without Him who made it possible. Thanks for slapping me so hard that I saw what I don’t know and for facing me into the questions which answers will never be figured out by me, no matter how hard I try. If ever I’ll achieve some of the plans I laid out for myself, I know now, whole-heartedly that the glory is for me… but the greater glory is for God.


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