Friday, September 18, 2009

Almost There, Almost Done

It was last Thursday night when I came to realize things. It was almost twelve o' clock in the clock and I haven’t abandoned my Math exercises, too scared to fail. Tomorrow is the fourth long exam and I need to get a good grade so I won’t have a cardiac arrest while taking the finals. I need to pass this so that the pressure won’t be that large that I can’t anymore contain it.

Every optimization problem seems to sink me in the bed where I am sitting. Sweet temptation. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to finally lie down and be contented for this day and just hope that tomorrow is not a day that I will regret forever. I know that I’ll eventually get through. I just hope that I will get through with no havoc done.

From the five-hour sleep, I woke. From the supposed-to-be-an-hour-travel-elongated-by-two-hour-traffic, I survived, and a chapter quiz in my Statistics 101 is what awaits me. I knew it. I was not surprised that there is a quiz, but though I am completely aware, I didn’t even hold a Stat book to review or scan. Worse is I knew it was coming but I cannot convince myself to listen to the professor. Sometimes, I know the right thing to do yet I’m still choosing the wrong one, which seems interesting and convenient all this time. The exam wasn’t a terrible one, after all. It was considerate enough for my professor to allow us to open our course notes so it was not very regretful that I didn’t even scan. It was so kind of him, in fairness, to think that Stat is not our only subject at school but the exam and adrenaline rush was enough to wash all the Calculus I studied last night.

I am a Math major, for the nth time and Calculus is the art of my soul. It was a nightmare before but is now a part of my student life. Calculus is my favorite subject. It challenges my ego. It humbles me down and convinces me to strive for more… and more and more… It tells me not to be contented about my scores because I can do better, that’s why it’s very important for me to get a good score now. I’ve been studying a week before the exams so I got no excuse for failing this time.

Fortunately, it was the kind of exam my professor didn’t pour all of his hate on. It was ‘answerable’ and by that, I am grateful and contented. (Did I tell you that he sometimes makes exams that will make your nose bleed?) Surely, my exam won’t be perfect but I am crossing my fingers that somehow, it’s better than my last two long exams (okay, never mind the last two exams. This isn’t about them).

The worst isn’t over yet. Since we are fast approaching October and weeks seem to go on overnight, the first semester of my second year in college is almost over. It means several things: First, I am now closer to graduation and closer to the real world. I really cannot wait. Second, it’s almost goodbye to my perfect schedule this sem. Another uncertain schedule is coming and it who knows, it might be the worst schedule everyone thinks of. Third, if the semester is ending, finals are unavoidable. Darn. Final examinations which are cover-to-cover and are scheduled day-after-day. Sleepless nights are coming. Lastly, I think I’ll be appreciating sem break now since I am yearning for long hours of sleep.

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