Friday, October 16, 2009

What You Missed II

Waking up with the headache last night was unbearable. It was October 3, Sunday, and I just rose from a real shattering migraine. I drink nothing but water and juice yet I managed to remain awake for the last 30 hours. So this must be it: sleepless days and nights.

I was about to explode literally when I remember where all these aches came from. Last night was the continuation of my party, opening gifts and trying to express my gratitude to all who greeted me and all who came, and the night before yesterday’s was my birthday, my 18th birthday.

It’s well-known that the age 18 signifies a special leap for a girl, or should I say a lady, or a woman. When I think about that age and I realize that I already am 18, I shiver inside. I am not YET used to it. It feels like the 10-year old me is still trapped on a body of a lady, obliged to act accordingly so as not to disappoint anybody. Whenever they talk about me and even add that I am a full-pledged 18-year old lady, I laugh silently because deep down inside me, I know and I feel that I am still around 15. To old for playful mistakes but too young not to repeat those mistakes again. Whenever they say that I am hardworking enough to study in a university like UP, I smile to the thought that I am more responsible to harvest my Farmville’s artichokes on time and not to let them wither. It’s not like I am 17 yesterday and when I woke up, everything’s changed. I realized that to be who I am today was indeed a long journey so the real comparison is today and ages ago. I lied when I invited everyone to join me as I kiss my childhood goodbye... because the truth is, I'll never say goodbye to my childhood.

Though I am shamelessly admitting that I am still irresponsible by heart and by nature, I am glad that through 18 years of painstakingly enduring everything I have to offer, my family is still there, willing to join me in the next 180 years of my life. I am thankful that they are still proud of me after 18 years of achievements and mess. Though people may really come and go, family is not one of those people. Once a family, always a family and I can attest to that fact that even though I really am a pain in the ass most of the times and I surely kill all the nerves on my mom’s head, after five minutes or so, we’re back to being the same happy family, like nothing happened but all lessons learned.

Anyway, the first week of my being 18 was spent in between Physics books and notes and calculators. Finally, it is not something I am irritated to do but something I’ll be proud of because even though I had a party to celebrate on, the first week of my new age was spent maturely, though uniquely. I am proud to say that after the first semester of my second year in college, I am finally enjoying learning, like it is not something I am obliged to do but something I am luckily offered. Pressure from all the professors and very intelligent classmates is still there. Cramming is also present but if I learned something very important, it is to fight inferiority and focus on self-satisfaction rather than social comparison. Right now, I am satisfied with the goals I have for myself and doing everything to be really committed to these goals. Finally, I am growing up with respect to this aspect, though I still get bored at special times (At least not very often now).

2 comments:

The Rich Ant said...

Happy Belated birthday fellow Libra! Mines was on the 15th.

Rhaingel said...

@THE RICH ANT:
Thank you so much! and belated happy birthday to you, too :)

I hope you had a happy and meaningful birthday. More birthdays to come! :)