Friday, November 06, 2009

Little Miss School Girl

It was just yesterday when I graduated from high school and now, I am about to face the fact that I am on my second year in college, second semester, bound to take three Math subjects, two language courses and one Physics. Argh. When did everything change? It still horrifies me to think that everything seems changing in an overnight.

I feel so threatened to start the second semester with this kind of mood, for once it has started, there will be no more way to stop it. It will run as fast as it can and I will be left there, standing, too feeble to catch up, too slow to catch it. The next thing I’ll figure out is that I can’t log in online and I can’t spoil myself to novels even though it’s Friday night and tomorrow is a weekend, for I still have to solve several Math problems that will drive me crazy and I still have to review for Monday’s exam which I don’t have any idea on. I guess, I still haven’t completely adjusted to the life I am living today, as a college student. I am still used to the pressure-less, easy-going life in high school. Or maybe I am just tired, even though the semester is not yet starting. I still want to sleep late and wake up late. I still want to spend the whole day reading novels and being absorbed to the story they call fiction. For I know that I will miss having no academic obligations at all. It’s funny that the vacation seems so short as a weekend is but a semester seems long as an entire year.

Now, since I don’t have any choice but to make the most out of those two days left. I will try my best to be composed as possibly can. I’ll try to be ready as much as possible for the wave of stress, for the tsunami of pressure and for the ocean of worries there is to come. I know that I need not to worry too much for at the end of the day, everything will soon be alright. That is a natural tendency. But I just can’t help doing so whenever it crosses my mind that the proportion of the things I was able to do and those that I was not, lies larger on those failures I made. Sometimes, it makes me sad to realize that I sacrificed so many things that will surely make my day for fulfilling my responsibilities but then again, I still wasn’t able to accomplish all those responsibilities I took time to prioritize. It’s like I gained nothing but more disappointments oozing all around my veins, and will linger there to haunt me forever.

I don’t have any resolutions for this coming semester. I don’t have any “I’ll try to be better this sem!” or “I will try to shoot for higher grades!”. It’s not like I don’t have plans or I don’t have any goals to pursue. It’s more of I am constantly aiming for those, although I also constantly fail. There was never a sem that I didn’t do my best. There was never a sem that I asked Fate to do all those that I cannot. I constantly strived… and that is what I will continue to do, although I am tired, although I am lazily returning to school on Tuesday.

Back to school, back to pressure. Back to Math books and goodbye to novels.


ShatterShards said...

Try to enjoy your college life as much as you can, three math subjects at the same time and all. They say, when you want something done, give it to the busy man, for he will make time for it. I'm sure you will find a way to solve quadratic equations, ponder on the theory of relativity, blogging and reading novels during the four odd months of the new semester.

Catch said...

ahh, the pressures of college life. it's actually funny that from everything you are academically learning now, only 1/4,even less, will be relevant when you graduate. i guess what is most important in college life is not the things you learn in class but the things you do to make that class. the effort, the hardships, the fun, the frustrations, the triumph, and all sorts of the like that you will experience in college are the things that would matter most at the end of the day.