Sunday, June 28, 2009

On Dreams and Quitting

I roughly have an hour to make a post. It’s not that it’s quite short since there are times when ideas flow fluidly and the next thing I knew is I’m hitting that button that says, “Publish now”. Right now, I don’t have sufficient things to talk about. Yes, I spent four days studying in school and there are unforgettable moments but then I’ll bore my readers if I pick that topic.

Let me choose this one: I was on my normal Internet browsing. I opened the accounts I have on line namely- Blogspot, Yahoo Mail and Friendster and checked if there are urgent messages. I honestly cannot spoil myself in talking or chatting to people unlimitedly if I don’t want to fail my exams for this upcoming week. While checking my own site and the others, too, I felt kind of irritated. Yeah, kind of, then I realized that people are really different and so as their ambitions. It occurred to me because I read a bulletin of a schoolmate saying that she wants to transfer school because she finds our current university full of pressure. She says that she cannot cope up and she really finds it academically difficult to study there. I was sort of disappointed, mainly because she thought about quitting just because it’s difficult and I reflected my first year in college. I’ll lie if I’ll say that it was much too easy for me. It was really difficult- physically, emotionally and academically. There were even times when I felt alone, empty, you know, no one to talk to but never did I thought about quitting this thing and transferring to another school just because it’s easier to cope up there. There were times when I’ll solve and overwork myself and lie awake at night, sobbing myself to sleep. It was a big leap for me and yes, I felt out of place, too, like I don’t belong with those really intelligent people. I felt left behind.

Right now, I don’t feel that intense kind of knowledge inferiority anymore. It’s just enough to push me into solving everyday and taking extra effort to achieve higher grades. Honestly, whenever I can’t get the lesson right away, I feel like I don’t belong to where I was sitting and to where I was studying but that pain drives me to proving that I have a right to be there, too. After all, anything is possible, right? Why quit your dream when you are faced with challenges? Indeed, there is no easy way to get there. There are no shortcuts or hidden path so perseverance is a must. I don’t know when or where or what particular instant started easing that knowledge inferiority from me. All I know is that everything ends up well. I might as well wait for that end and hey, God doesn’t work or think like how I do so maybe, these academic challenges are just there so that achieving that dream will be really worth it in the end.

Right, it isn’t my business if she finds the pressure too much to handle. It isn’t my business, either, if she feels like quitting and transferring is the key to achieving your dream. I just hope that somehow, she’ll come across this post and realize that everyone experienced that but not everyone gave up. It’s actually a choice whether to persevere or not, to waste one’s opportunity or make the most out of it. I just hope that she’ll remember the speech we usually deliver back in high school that nothing in this world is actually easy and the degree of difficulty of something is based on the satisfaction you’ll get after achieving it.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Bittersweet Bubble

From a colored dreamful night, I drifted and eventually woke up. ‘twas dreamy and cloudy and very floral in scent. I cannot remember the dream exactly but the breathless feeling I had after opening my eyes tells me that it almost caught me off guard. The wind blows the curtain so swiftly yet so gently, forceful but with grace, almost dancing. The wind is like a ballerina, performing her sweet sonata. It was five thirty in the morning and the sun should already be in the horizon but it seems like he gave it a miss and perhaps still dreaming. Suddenly, I am envious of him. The sound of the rain falling on the rooftop isn’t musical in quality this time. It gives me the feeling of nostalgia and the sense of un-belongingness to the world. Little by little, as each drop collapses its grip from the clouds, I move inch by inch to prepare for this day as the aroma of coffee and bread penetrates my skull, tempting me for a sip, enticing me of its distinct flavor yet never fully waking me up. Ironic.


I bathed with bittersweet laziness. I was trapped to where I stood that the chillness of the water made it impossible for me to move and made me neglect time and energy and other factors that constantly remind me of being alive. I felt like a fly on the sticky spider’s web, waiting for his appetite. I wanted to perspire and go back to the reality and finally wake up but with the weather? Nearly impossible! I can’t even feel the heat from the core. It made me doubtful about existing.

I clothed myself with love. “This day is going to be great,” I said and my ego screamed, “Well I hope it is”. It was too loud that it made me deaf to hear my convictions that this day will really be great. Apparently, I found my Communication 3 subject senseless because I cannot even sway myself. Endless walks, grumbling stomach, idle hours, numbers, theories, vectors, angles, projectile… I returned to bed with those thoughts, never wanting to dream about them and wishing to be detached from the burden in my veins. Ah, that song - the one played by the angel in my dream or perhaps just residing in my ears – that sweet lullaby is irresistible. How can someone as feeble as me fight reality? How can I move freely from this prison of illusions and wishes? How can I move out from the conspiracy of the story which we later called Life? How is it probable to wake up from a very comfortable state of being?

…and there, floating, the bubble of my dream. “Prick me now,” it says or else, I’ll be trapped forever. That was quite a warning. Every bit of my unsinkable spirit was there – all my deepest hopes and even my secret desires are at hand. Though these seem achievable, they are still intangible. How can I ever prick it out? How can I watch it all sinking when it had given me so much… so much that it drowned me out. Alas, the bubble was growing smaller, rippling itself, chased by a shot of my fear. Alas, why did it ever have to be pricked out during the time that I am having the happiest moment of playing with it?

The clock went hysterically irritating again. I guess it’s over. I guess that sweet dose of mind's eye is already enough for another month or so and that I am faced with my Math again. This time, no more excuses, just purely focused.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Drizzle on Me

My Mister Rain, when will you come again?
To drop and fall directly from heaven
To give a cold bath to those who weep
To give me a chance for a coffee sip

Oh Mister Rain, I’m gloomy without you
The sun’s cruel, piercing me through
The flowers are almost withered and dry
The birds don’t anymore chirp and fly


Rain, Rain, Oh Mister Rain of heaven
You pour like crystals which sizes are even
Can't help but feel blessed, away from distress
I'm loving these silver drops helpless and selfless

Mister Rain, Mister Rain, where are you now?
To bring back earth’s glory is your undying vow
To make the waves of the sea crashing
To make playing children laughing

Oh Mister Rain this poem is to let you know
I envy them – them who play in the snow
All I am asking is just a chilly drizzle
To make the wind blow and silently whistle

“When, oh when?” is my question Mister Rain
Will the blood of the Earth run in my vein?
A downpour, yes, Mister Rain, just a downpour
Will cheer up and emphasize the flower’s contour

Mister Rain, I call you with this poem
Sink directly in front of our home
Water my mom’s plants on the pots
In the still lake, ripple and make dots

Make the clouds dusky and heavy
Provide time people to lie down comfortably
Pour everything, everything, and make me sing
While a kiss in the rain will make a bell ring.

First Week of sCOOL!

Today is the start of my three-day weekend. Well, I am happy and lazy for it. Party happy because this means that I can wake up at twelve and can read some chapters of the novels I am depriving myself whenever schooldays. I am happy because this also means that I can spoil myself to television and internet… but the same, I am also partly lazy because this means that as much as I want to have fun, I should also be responsible – responsible enough to know that next week is bound to be more challenging and I have to chase the pressure. I can’t let it all sink to me and drown me eventually. What I’m referring to is Math – I know that I won’t pass the subject if I won’t double my efforts. It’s vital and knowing the history of my professor, I should really do everything. Let me give you an idea about how I see this semester.

First, Math 109. It is actually about the techniques of proving some theories of Math using some symbolic language. So far, so good because it resembles the Philosophy class I used to love. My professor is a woman in her thirties (I hope I’m right) and looking at her, she somehow resembles my mom. Though the subject was so-far-so-good, there is a bit of uncomfortable-ness while I find myself stuck in her class. Sometimes, I daydream and stare blankly at the window, asking myself about certain philosophies I usually believe in. From time to time, I check my watch and can’t help but hope that it’s already time because I am excited for my next class which happens to be:

Math 64, Calculus II. So far, the topics we are concerned with are about integration and I am more enthusiastic in that subject than in any other subjects I am enrolled in. In fact, after arriving home, that’s the first thing I check and the first thing I study. I think, the addiction first occurred to me because the professor was a terror one in his own kind. He enters the room, doesn’t greet and doesn’t smile. He proceeds directly to the board, write some examples and ask the students to answer it. Others say that his exams are out-of-this-world, that you’ll have a nosebleed answering those and I suppose that that’s the reason why he’s famous. I find him challenging. In fact, very challenging and the satisfaction oozes all around my body whenever I get the answers to his questions correctly. Now, I don't see Calculus like it's something that adds burden to my life. It's something that increases my patience :D

Physics 71. Physics. So far, this subject gets in my nerves though I see its connection to my Calculus class. First, the professor requires me to bring two notebooks (should be red and green) apart from my lecture notebook and that reminds me of being in high school again. It adds weight in my shoulders. Second, she isn’t sure about what she’s saying and teaching. Our class includes more than a hundred students and you have to be really sure about what you say because they are keenly listening. I constantly become disappointed because there is a time when I know she was wrong and she knows that too and everyone’s blood suddenly rushed and they were arguing and I just thought that learning is better if the one teaching you knows her materials well and she is sure about what she says and she can prove it.

Anyway, even though I do like the professors I have or I don’t, I got no choice but concentrate on the education I have luckily having rather than the educator. I still have the capability to open a book and learn from myself so that I won’t be disappointed anymore. I decided that maybe I shouldn’t box a person – to judge her/him and dislike her/him right away. This will destroy me and worsen my personality.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Now a Proud Sophomore

Today marks the last day of my short vacation. Oops. I honestly believed that it wasn’t short but they say that it is. I mean, there were extremely boring days that I cannot believe that it was just an hour since I last took a look on the clock so I suppose that it’s not short since it made me, at some point, bored. There were times when all I can ever say is “I hope I’ll get back to school soon” then follow it with such a helpless sigh.

Since I’ll be getting up early tomorrow (and I wish not to be late, really) and have no time to log on the web early in the morning, maybe I’ll grab this moment to write that I had a really fun vacation. For my entire college life so far, this vacation allowed me to think and be re-directed as I’ve mentioned many times in my blog. Now that I am back to school tomorrow, I’ll admit that I am neither excited nor lazy for it. I am not jumping while writing this with the anticipation that tomorrow will be cool or tomorrow will really be fun or at least different from my usual slacking around. On the other hand, I am also not lazy for school tomorrow. I don’t have wishes like “I hope that vacation will be extended” or “I hope that it will rain tomorrow - rain so hard that classes will be suspended”. I think, this feeling is associated with being ready for the things which are unavoidable and are required for my age. I know that being back to school means a lot of things: being busy with the struggle to pass every subject, being sleepless, being pre-occupied, being stressed-out and stressing myself even more, being with classmates and friends who are really fun to be with and making the most of the moments spend with him/them, meeting different kinds of professors from all walks of life, name it all! I know that being a student is an occupation that requires a lot of patience and hopes that these are all for the better because if it’s not, we might as well join dreamless teenagers who sings “Whatever will be, will be” at the topmost of their voices. I am just midway between excited and lazy, just right, just enough not to ruin everything.

Since my bags are all packed and I do believe that I’ve done everything to make an advance study, all that’s left for me to do today is enjoy the weather today and times like this because tomorrow might be slightly different. I am expecting a few changes in my usual lethargic schedule. Maybe I’ll be dealing with Physics during the time that I am supposed to watch the television. Maybe I’ll be trying to prove some theories when I am supposed to chat and never care about anything else. Maybe I’ll be solving when it’s time for me to read posts from blog-o-sphere… and don’t get me wrong. I don’t have any hard feelings towards those. I know that there is a time for study and time for recreational activities. I know now how to separate them (Well, I do hope that I know by now) and I guess, this summer semester taught me to act accordingly and responsibly. After all, I am already seventeen, too young to know what’s going to happen but old enough to know what to do in whatever happens. I should be thinking about my future and those people who had their fingers crossed whenever I have an exam. Regarding regular posting, maybe I’ll write during travels, a poem or a limerick or an essay. Maybe I’ll write during yawning gaps and doodling moments or when I am not that sleepy while I am on that long, clear and traffic-less expressway (and they are not paying me for these adjectives). I don’t want to completely abandon writing for it teleports me to a different world just when I need to, just when I feel like everything’s unfair just because numbers were invented and was introduced to me. Perhaps, you can still expect a post or two per week telling no one about how my week went, its ups and downs and its ups again (hopefully). Writing, for the longest run, saved me from my insanity.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

I was Humbled Down

The best part of this day is seeing things slapping you in the way you wished it should. Even as a young child, I see goals as things to accomplish and whatever it takes, I should see a checkmark on or before that goal. My mom would usually admire my determination towards things and even said that I usually get what I want. When I was a child, my main goal was to study in the University of the Philippines. While growing and realizing other things, my main goal was to finish a course, preferably related to Math and sail forth to the real world of working and being addicted to coffee (just kidding about the coffee). Because of achieving the goals I laid out for myself, I gained confidence that I can do anything if I will just persevere and learn to prioritize. Seeing a checkmark populating in my book called “aspirations” made me confident that I need no help.

Despite the spiritual wisdom I get from reading the bible, I found it quite difficult to believe that it’s not me who accomplishes these aims. I mean, if I aspire to pass a particular subject and I did all the hard work and sacrifices to accomplish this, doesn’t it mean that I can accept all the credits? That was my logic back then and maybe, pride is also present so I cannot change that logic. I just couldn’t, though I am aware that there’s God and He is Almighty. Though I don’t admit it and deny that kind of arrogance and self-importance, that was how I believe things. I know that God is there and I have faith in him but I have a greater faith in myself. If something wrong happened, I would prefer to believe that it’s my fault and that I wasn’t able to do my best, rather than that was God’s plan. Anything is possible with him, yes, but anything is also possible if I will persevere continuously for it. Now, I was slapped hard for all these things I usually believed in. Believe me, I am ashamed and so sorry for letting these achievements sink into me when all the while, I am nothing without God, but I am more than proud now that I was humbled down. Thank you so much for touching my heart today! I know that it’s not everyday that I realize something that I badly need in my life.

Job 38: 1 – 42 showed all my limitations. It’s true that I may know some things about finding derivatives but I don’t know the Earth’s exact measure and I cannot find and provide food for the lions. I may know how to solve Trigonometric integrals but I don’t know the rain’s father and who gives birth to the morning dew. Sure, I know how to compute the area between two curves and may do it with different methods but His ways are not my ways as His thoughts are not my thoughts. I may know if a certain vehicle will hit the sleeping cat, provided that I know the distance between them, the speed of the car before the breaks were applied and the time when the breaks were applied but He already know what’s going to happen even before the cat was born. I don’t know how the Orion was formed but He does because He was the one who created it. Thank you for making me realize my limitations, I should have seen it while dealing with Math and seeing the horizon. Thank you for making me realize that what I know about life and certain wisdom from all of my experiences is nothing compared to what I still don’t know about life and what I still need to figure out.

I really couldn’t have done everything without Him who made it possible. Thanks for slapping me so hard that I saw what I don’t know and for facing me into the questions which answers will never be figured out by me, no matter how hard I try. If ever I’ll achieve some of the plans I laid out for myself, I know now, whole-heartedly that the glory is for me… but the greater glory is for God.

Timeless Love

If baby, someday, they’ll come and ask me
How come we don’t have any monthsary?
And add that we don’t have any celebration,
I’ll tell them that in our love, there’s no deduction.

I’ll look at the calendar and throw it away
No century, decade, year, month, week and no day
Can tell me exactly how long I’ve been loving
Someone like you, with such an intense feeling.

The date cannot be one, two or three
For everyday comes our infinite glee
It really can’t be four, five, six or seven
Because all the days with you are heaven

Eight, nine, ten or eleven isn’t enough
If you say it is, well, I’ll give you a laugh
Not twelve, thirteen, fourteen or fifteen
Contains what in his eyes I have seen

Sixteen, seventeen or eighteen are not that date
Because everyday, you bet, we really celebrate
It’s not nineteen, twenty nor twenty-one
Because the bliss of holding him is never gone

It’s also not twenty-two, twenty-three or twenty-four
Everyday is new and refreshing; always an open door
It can’t be twenty-five, twenty-six or twenty-eight
Because our love is timeless, never had a date

And never was it twenty-nine, thirty or thirty-one
For my darling, my dearest, my honey and only one
As much as there’s no date when our love has started,
Never will we from each other’s arms be departed

And if they ask me another question
How long has been your love in ignition?
I’ll ask them back, no more and no less
How can you measure something endless?

Friday, June 12, 2009

Long Distance

Your sweet hello’s gives me the last song syndrome
Keeping every sound from your lips in my ear’s dome
When you ask sincerely how my day has been
Unspoken words say it’s more than how it’s goin’
For the very moment I hear you speak,
Everything glows; everything is romantic
Grasping for words, I can only say “I’m okay”
In my heart, it shouts, “I’ll love you everyday!”
Your uplifting laughter lingers on my hearing
Providing definition for my entire being
It’s indescribable and beyond definition
When I try to fathom, it leads to an ignition
Your breath when you say “I miss you”
Is my dream, my star, too good to be true
It leaves me breathless, unable to say anything
Speechless, realizing you’re my everything.
The passion in your voice keeps me alive
To keep you forever is my constant strive
Though there were times when your voice seems sad
And when I look at the heavens, I cannot be glad
For part of your soul is living inside your voice
I know I need to do everything to save it from the noise. Your sweet and touching words tickle all of me
The shivers continue and give me the glee
It leaves me at ease and even wondering
If there exists a greater and more intense feeling
But as I shook my head and realize there’s none
All the heartaches of yesterday are simply gone
And as I say that I love you more than you’ll ever know
Tears of happiness from eyes constantly flow
Because these words of truth cannot be told exactly
Not in a message or a phone call directly
And as you thank me for that conversation
While it’s me who should do the appreciation
I can’t help but imagine how lucky I am
To finally find my mister, my man
And when you say, “Goodbye, honey”
I became partly sad and partly happy
For I know that after that beep that says it’s over
There is the wish that says “I hope it’s forever”
For when I talk to you, I’m more than comfortable
My heart swells with joy with your every call
But everything will be okay then
As soon as I hear your “hello” again.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Independence Day

June 11, 2009
Dear Friend,

Tomorrow is the celebration of Independence Day of the Philippines. This commemoration is already ongoing even before I was born, meaning, this is older than I am. Nevertheless, my Philippine History subject tells me that this “independence” is from the colonizers or influencers if you prefer to have it as a term. College History, tells me that it is from the Spaniards, Americans, Japanese and from the Muslim rebels. I won’t argue much about the independence stuff for there are still millions of Filipinos believing that we still don’t have it. They suppose that we are still not completely free and I consider this to have something associated with being a protectorate of other powerful country or maybe connected with the administrators and leaders whom they love to disgust.

I’m not a person who can be a Filipina emblem. I am not like the brave Gabriela Silang who fought hard for freedom, neither am I like my other schoolmates who are so attached politically to the point that they absent on some of our classes to join street demonstrations or boycotts. I don’t go to streets and fight for truth or justice. There is something in me that says it’s enough to know and I am not that able physically and emotionally to go out and scream and fight. Maybe I am also not convinced to do that, still don’t have sufficient reasons to risk everything I already am. For me, it has always been enough to know what they are fighting for and whom they are fighting… and I admit, sometimes, I feel that it’s a shame for me to know what’s going on and what’s wrong but seemed to be just contented to watch it all failing, to watch the corrupt and abusive on their thrones and stare helplessly at those eyes of the people who define the word ‘poverty’. Philippines’ government is neither a monarchy nor dictatorial. It’s democratic- the kind which power lies on the people and I believe when Dr. Rizal once said that we should all take part in making our country a better place because this is our own country. No one will care for it but Filipinos. I don’t have the ideas to change the world and I am aware that those things don’t happen in a snap. I know that the Philippines still need a lot of years to actually recover and move on from all the crisis it faced recently and those years may mean even more than my lifetime but I do believe in collective action, too, to voice out one’s principles and points of view, to let them know that we are all aware of their abuse and greed and to care for this country and fellow Filipinos. Though uncertain, I think, it may give the guilt to those who are doing wrong. I hope that it does.

This isn’t a post to tell people to go to streets and start rallying because most of them don’t know the issue, anyway, and to fight for something you know not is like catching a black ant on the dark even you are not sure that there exist one. This is a post allowing people to know that I also know but had chosen the safe way, as you might say, which is writing and voicing out to this little spot on the web. Maybe I should focus first in changing how I used to be, greedy and self-centered, before I concentrate on a bigger world.

Love always,
Rhaingel

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Egotism

I creep; I crawl and beg for a touch
Of your delicate petals, I come to vouch
No rain will ever drift me away
No waves, no breeze will ever make me sway.
For here I lie awake beside your roots,
Oh dear flower, no lightning can scare me to death
No thunder can ever make me scream
But this love for you as it moves inch by inch,
Grows deeper and deeper, even more profound
Than your roots can ever reach.
Virtues and faith are what you teach,
Dearest, of concerns and kindness, you really are rich!
Of all the flowers here, you are entirely different
You alone I crave and dream and follow where you went.
And though the bees might steal you from me
What can I do aside from wishing for your safety?
As much as I wish that you are mine and mine alone
Of all my greed, you might have drown
And if someday you realize that it is Ms. Butterfly
Who won over me and really did the best to try,
You can just tell me you’re sorry and pull my roots off
For there is no sense in loving if it was never mine
Nor there is a sense in breathing in strife
If she, from the start, has started your life.
There is no sense in giving you refuge
If her assurance and protection is nothing but huge.
And hence if everything is nothing but a dried leave,
You might as well get rid off me and let me be heave
Let the storm destroy me and let me destroy the storm
Let me be battered, warped and be deformed.
And for a while, ask me if I am happy
While I am drowning in all your bees’ honey,
And for a while catch me staring at your petal
Being smelled by others, for me it’s fatal.
If you know, dear flower, that it will never be me,
Allow that playing child to rest his foot on me
And nothing will ever disturb you again,
No more rhymes or poems or verses then
No more hopeless romantic,
No more wicked sick.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Delicious Ambiguity

Up the heavens and down on earth, I sat tranquilly in between: a place where I can reach for flying birds and can look down on colorful roofs. Our balcony is not a place where I usually stay, especially when the rain is too strong or the sun is too harsh. After all, I don’t want to end up all wet either by the rain or by body’s heat. An extreme weather doesn’t make our balcony a refuge all the time but now, the air is refreshing from the rain a while ago and the sun is about to set. The temperature was just right to drive mosquitoes away and not need any fan or abaniko in Filipino. Nothing’s noisy and there isn’t any sound except tiny footsteps of the children playing hide and seek in front of our house. Everything seems melodious, musical in quality and hey, almost made me sing. The sky is rainbow-colored and clouds serve as mirrors which duplicate colors and emphasize them. As the sky meets the horizon in a very lovely manner like stuffs from movies, the color becomes gradually deeper, darker, almost close to black who lines that boundary between earth and heaven, gives it separation hour and puts an end to an intriguing affair of what’s up and what’s around. It’s already twilight; almost the end of the day and the Master gets His paint ready for another masterpiece which surpasses beauty and splendor. By now, I can imagine the night stalker getting ready to prey on some other heroes and creeps who are afraid as he moves inch by inch closer and closer. By now, I can imagine that after I finish this thing, it’s already an official nighttime and that stars will be out, illuminating the gray surroundings but that sweet dose of imagination is reserved strictly later. It seems like the only thing left to do in moments like this is sit back and relax and read poetry or some other romantic novels by the great Nicholas Sparks while your body feels like it’s being washed out by the gentle waves of the sea and the gentler breeze of the blue. Maybe this moment is perfect if equipped with a hot tea, not coffee, not soda and not milk. Tea, preferably organic and herbal, and therefore healthy: clear and translucent and with a string lingering on the brink of the cup.

It occurred to me that if I am reading this post and I don’t know the writer’s history or things about her, I’ll assume that she is on her late eighties whose hobby is knitting or watering the plants, perfectly contented and glad about how life turned out for her, her ever loving husband and for her dearest sons and daughters, ready for reminiscing and story-telling for the young people and too tired for adventures but no, I am just seventeen and most of my life is still unfolding, still a profound secret to me but who cares? I love secrets and surprises, anyway!

Right now, I feel like tomorrow is still dependent on the dice I am rolling later. I maybe certain that it’ll rain. I maybe certain that I’ll read a poem or two but I am not sure whether tomorrow is going to be great or not. I can only hope that everything is going to turn out well. This is it- delicious ambiguity, like a story whose end will never be certain and will never be told.

Good night. Like expected, I’ll be done by nighttime and I was.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Random Catastrophe

As the rain poured endlessly on the still wet surroundings, I found myself stuck inside our house. With the gray clouds stretching over the almost-dusk sky, the chilling weather won’t allow me to go somewhere else especially on a destination quite far from home. I thought that this day will just be devoted to Math since I heard and it was confirmed that our vacation is extended for another week. I thought that that span of time will allow me to make five advanced lessons on Calculus and feel Physics after skipping it for a year. Maybe that extension wasn’t that bad after all if it’s for the best.

As I was going on with numbers, I became bored. It’s not that I lost my enthusiasm again. I’d rather believe that I still got this awe with words and haven’t overcome it so that beats numbers for a little while. Maybe that’s the reason why I settled for another novel this day (it’s The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks). I am appreciating words and statements more than how I did lately and now, I am more open to poetry and great people like Edgar Allan Poe and William Shakespeare. I look up to them because they usually know how to express all their love and feelings. I wonder if they also felt that words are never enough. It feels good to really appreciate what I’m reading and not do it simply because of boredom or just to avoid slacking around.

After acquiring tired eyes, I went to our balcony, which brink seems to catch all of these teardrops from heaven. From up above, the ripples caused by every rainfall appear like iris of a little child trying to figure out what’s out there in the dark. It’s increasing in size, little by little, until that moment when the water can no longer accommodate its glowing and it’s gone. The frost was refreshing and I can smell winter though I haven’t even experienced one. Maybe it smells this way. Though the feeling was really revitalizing than you can ever imagine, a doze of unhappiness crept in my veins. My mom’s plants all appeared like falling shoulders because of too much rain. The leaves are yellowish and are very pale and there isn’t a spot of a flower or a fruit. If it’s a person, she should be on the Intensive Care Unit, malnourished and starving of sunlight. I know that my mom will be disappointed to see these little natures we allowed our home to have destructed by the regular drizzle. After all the effort she made to finally make them grow and bloom, this is not how she wanted this to see. If she has nothing to do, she usually looks at these plants and takes a feel of its thorns and its flowers. She does it always. She weeds it regularly and gets excited whenever there is something on bloom. I usually wonder if that is also the way she felt when she knew that she was pregnant for her first-born.

Anyway, for the rest of the day, I’ll be answering e-mails. I am really sorry I took for granted some of the messages I received for the past months. Now that I am reading messages again, I know I’ve missed it and maybe, it isn’t too late to do a bit of catching up and sharing. I feel excited, like I am on a reunion or something and I am glad because people seem to be the same as I first knew them and their enthusiasm and points of view on things are highly contagious, even more phenomenal than the swine flu.

Friday, June 05, 2009

Smitten

In visions of a gloomy afternoon,
Your face shines bright, like stars of the moon.
The touch of your face remains in my palm
Oh beloved, it really feels so calm
To finally feel a tangible you
That sometimes seems a dream in the blue.


A capsule of day-dream once in a while
Of him standing there and me under the veil
Everything is white and all are in bloom
Flowers falling like tears not of gloom.
With eyes so well-defined and romantic lips
With your sweetness, how can I ever resist?


Nothing shines brighter than the spark of your kiss
Pure and genuine, I never had such bliss
Call me happy or perhaps half-crazy
I’ll stand and show you what’s written in destiny
Oh mister, this love had grown so much
My darling, my fear of losing you had grown larger

No person deserves an angel like you
No princess deserves a dance or two
No other name deserves your last
Neither your love, care nor trust
Once in a blue moon the opportunity is
I creep, I beg, let me have it forever, please.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Out of This World

LOL. I was browsing the Internet for some Physics e-book when I hopped on this one. This is my definition of an out-of-this-world survey and it made me laugh out loud. I wasn’t expecting such questions. Feel free to grab this anytime you like. :)

1. What it your crush told you that he/she loves you and then there came a dragon in front of you, what is your favorite food?
Haha. I fell out of my chair. Well, for the question, it’s pizza.

2. If you are with your crush and then there came an earthquake, what will you say to those who hate Manny Pacquiao?
Got nothing to say. Well, it’s their opinion. I might as well respect it.

3. You won a million dollar, what color would you like the rainbow be?
I want it the way it is now, but I like the colors to be really emphasized, like you’ll see that this part is blue, this one is yellow. I want it to appear like how it does on children’s book.

4. Suppose you were given a special power by a fairy, what was the name of your first pet?
Hmm.. It’s jasmine, a rabbit.

5. Suppose you’ll be inheriting a hundred hectares land, which do you prefer? Calamansi or soy sauce?
I like Calamansi better. It’s sour taste makes it very distinct and very familiar both at the same time.

6. If you’ll kill a person, where have you been last night?
I was just at home, like a true-blooded responsible teenager

7. If you found yourself on a forest full of dangerous animals, will you pulverize the sentinel?
(Okay. This applies to those who play the game) No. Sentinel is my most-of-the-time-home. I like it more than the Scourge.

8. In this global crisis, what is your favorite band?
Actually, I am not that into bands. I am more fond of individual singers.

9. If you happen to pass by your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend with his/her new love, what will you do to help those victims of certain calamities?
The bets way I can help is to pray for them and if there’s a chance, donate canned goods or any other food.

10. If you found your best friend pregnant then she asked you, KFC or McDo, what will you answer?
KFC. I love the mash potato there!

11. If the world will explode tomorrow, then you found out that the one you like likes you back, what is the name of your dentist?
Dra. Eunice.

12. Yes or no only. What do you feel right now?
Yes.

13. With our unstable government, do you think the raisin’s size will change?
Haha. No. It’s size is actually fine.

14. You were stranded in an elevator and you cannot ask help from anyone, what will you do to leave your house tomorrow?
I’ll ask mom for permission.

15. You suddenly remember your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. Do you think your grade 1 teacher still remembers you?
No. I was passive that time.

16. Suppose your past love doesn’t talk to you anymore, do you think he/she knows the feeling to have sunburns?
Maybe.

17. You were caught by the police for a crime you did not do. What will you so that she/he will add you on friendster?
He is already my friend there.

18. Your family will go to an out-of-town trip while your friends decided to throw a party, which do you prioritize first, shirts or pants?
Shirts.

19. You broke your friend’s trust. What will you do to have the glow of the nature back?
I’ll do what a student should be doing.

20. If you put some water on beef and then put chicken cubes there, what will dominate, dunks or supras?
Wah! Got no idea there!