Calculus is tough as it has always been for me. These days, it has tortured me the way that encourages me to just stop trying to analyze things. It has discouraged me to love numbers and Math and realize that it’s worth all the sacrifices. Physics has discouraged me more. It has given me an atmosphere of idleness and senselessness, the kind of feeling that says nothing is going right. Both the subjects seemed to sucked up all of the energy and inspiration I used to contain in me at the start of the day. Both leave me tired and withered and sleepy, never allowing me to have ample energy to write and talk and babble around or not giving me any happy thing to write about. Calculus, Physics and my fear of failing are the culprit of my un-blogging. Blame them.
Despite of my hate on the subjects I mentioned, I think, I should make it clear that I don’t hate my professors or I don’t like what I’m doing. Somehow, these things seem to be the real norm since these happen everyday. It has been usual that I’ll go to school and fight all the temptations of daydreaming while absorbing everything that comes out of my professor’s intelligent mouth. I have no choice and I don’t want to fail again. I know that at my young age, paying for a mortgaged house or whacking my boss are not yet included among the list of my things to do. I’m not yet there and it’s not yet me. God said that there is a perfect time for everything. I should wait patiently and do what I am ought to do. In that case, I should just study and it’s not clear why I am finding that so difficult though it seems very simple. I must admit that sometimes, fulfillment comes when I reap fruits of labors – labors which are challenging enough to give me doubts about what I can and what I cannot do.
Now, my clock ticked, telling me that it’s time to get some sleep and be ready for tomorrow. This weekend isn’t that equipped and ‘fat’. Maybe I have some time to relax and unwind a little, just to give me a fresh start of the week and the month. I am almost halfway my 1st semester and am glad that I can still go to school smiling and I can still leave the university with hopes while crossing-fingers. It never crossed my mind to just stay at home and think nothing about academics. Good thing that Math and Physics still left me with a bit of hope and a large inspiration. I am not quitting, not in any way I know and not in any way I intent. I also have time to update my accounts online, including this supposed-to-be-daily-chronicle which was abandoned, in some ways so I am making up to it (in some ways, too). I am also doing the things which I don’t usually do during schooldays – namely, badminton and gluing myself with photographs.
Have a great and productive weekend blog-o-sphere!