Monday, November 01, 2010

Cho Chang

She woke up this morning and glued her edges. It was a big world for a little fragile thing like her. She yawned and folded her sheets, not really ready to embrace the breath of the morning. This will be a long day. She has to keep her poise and show everyone her beauty. No one should notice. No one will understand. She has to play her role. She should not break apart in front of everyone. Heartbreak check: rapid.

She threw a glance outside her window and looked twice in disbelief. It was the first day of the changed season. The sky was both yellow and blue and pink clouds invite her to fly and drink euphoria. She smiled. She smiled wider. It was so ironic to see a peaceful sky above a chaotic world.She wondered how many other souls are wearing the same mask as hers: the mask of strength and bliss covering all the opposites in her pretty face. She glided towards the nearest leaf, the drizzle of the night still embedded on the smooth green face of the plant. She moved her eyes towards the sparkling water on the leaf and she saw herself: her elegance, her fragility, the excess pain in her eyes. She got her make-up from her drawer and started painting herself: pink for her womanhood, yellow for the lightness of her environment, orange for all her undying hopes, and black for her real feelings. She has to be really careful for she was only glued. She walked towards her door at the edge of the tree and kissed her home goodbye, for she is not sure if this is where she’ll head later. She said a short prayer then jumped. At last, she seems ready to go outside and continue living.

She stopped by to Sunflower for her breakfast. She ordered some Nectar and drank it as coffee. It was so sweet and energizing, simply enough to help her get through the day. Then she went to the park: the happiest place that she knows. She heard the intoxicating laughter of the playing children, the vows of the lovers around and the buzzing of the bees. But he was not there, as she expected. Every eyes turn to see her, eyes which cannot see through her pain. The people caught their cameras and started focusing on her. She is a true beauty. She danced and made her photos extraordinary. She was so pretty that she was able to put smiles in the faces of all the people who saw her. She moved with so much grace, never really minding the falling yellow leaves. She sung a lullaby. No one noticed her singing. No one actually heard it. It was like a melody that no one can hear but affects the mood of everybody. She smiled. She laughed. It was so ironic that she can easily make everyone happy except herself. The show is almost done.

Cho Chang finished her seventh song with a little tear in her left eye. Those were the songs of her whole life: her hopes, her fears, her only love, and her bitterness. No. The tear will not flow. It will just wash away her colors. It will ruin the show. It will vaporize the glue that’s keeping her whole. No. the tear will not flow. She felt a strong lump in her throat. No. She is strong. She can fight her tears. She began flying to another happy place then a little child pointed at her and said, “Look, mom! A crying butterfly in autumn!”. “No honey. Butterflies never cry,” the mother answered. And Cho Chang flew and flew and flew.

Saturday, May 01, 2010

On Teaching and Learning

It’s a week since I started teaching in Sage Review Group. Sage is a review centre which helps students to pass various college entrance examinations. At first, I must admit that I was just concentrated in being employed this summer and earning some sufficient money. I just don’t want to spend it slacking around especially now that I won’t be spending it on school. But little by little, I was seeing the beauty of what I was doing. Little by little, I was focusing more on what the students are learning even though it’s more than of what’s ask from me.

Way back three years ago, it was I who was sitting in those chairs, faced with a pen and a notebook, hoping that somehow, Sage Review Group will help me achieve my dreams. “Bringing your dreams... a step closer to you...” is the motto of Sage. I was once aspiring to pass the UPCAT, like the students I am teaching now, and it makes me shiver to realize that a large part of their future is in my hands. I was also once sitting in those chairs, thinking about what’s ahead of me and wondering about my tomorrow. I was very uncertain that time. I didn’t have plans. I didn’t have back-up plans. I know what I want yet I am not sure how to achieve all those. I was giving my entire trust to the knowledge I gained from elementary, high school and from Sage. I want to pass UPCAT that time, and a part of me was saying that she will never forgive me if I didn’t.

Really, it is no joke to be a teacher. I can only relate now that I had a little experience. I am admiring more today those teachers who were really able to teach me well, because I already know how difficult it is to make everyone understand the lesson’s point. It takes both skill and passion to be able to teach well. A teacher should be hardworking and knows what she/he is teaching, yes, but more than that, a teacher should be filled with the passion to impart her knowledge but just enough to leave her students hungrier for more knowledge. I realized, over the past week, that a teacher is supposed to be in love with what she/he is teaching in order to teach students not only the lesson but the importance of the lesson. More than passing the UPCAT, I want my students to know the importance of working hard for a word problem even if it isn’t so realistic. I want my students to learn, to think, to not give up easily because this is the real lesson behind every book and every examination.

I still have two weeks in Sage, two weeks to really give my best in every learning session that I am to handle. I still have two weeks to make the students realize that it’s not about passing the UPCAT alone, it’s also about finding the joy in learning. Sage is not just about bringing your dreams a step closer to you, but it is also about making you realize what these dreams really are, for many students still don’t know what they want in their lives. I still have fourteen days to encourage and help them improve in whatever weakness they have. I have two weeks to give them the advices which worked for me, and the advices which I failed to heed three years ago.
I wish, I can inspire them... as much as my teachers were able to inspire me so much.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Breathing Life Into This Site Again

It’s been quite a while. Actually, it’s been more than a while since I last updated this blog. I know. I sort of abandoned it and failed all my goals of creating at least 10 posts per month. I started making 30 posts a month, then down to 20, then 10, then 5, then none. There was even a time when I don’t remember this site anymore. And there were also times when I remember this but choose not to make a post or two. Surely, my hiatus was a choice and I feel sorry for this little space in the Internet.

I was ‘silent’ for some reasons. My second year in college was testing all of my abilities and I need to prove myself that I can pass all my subjects and not retake anything anymore. Because of this goal, I was to do everything to comply with myself. By everything, I mean spending majority of my time in studying and solving Math problems, and also, I have to limit myself to care about the things which distract me. I was overworking myself and I just realized that now. I kept pushing that wall which creates my boundary It was both pride and self-satisfaction, and also, that I can turn some of my limitations to capabilities, and eventually, skills. I kept ignoring the things which make me comfortable if not happy, and one of these things is this blog. I was only looking at Math, not to expressing oneself and the addiction to words and expressions. I also tried and was able to make several posts while I was trying so hard with Math and these posts were vague and impaired and heartbroken. It was as if I only write because of my disappointments and I can’t convey happy thoughts anymore through words. Truly, I was trying too hard, so hard that it doesn’t flow naturally and continuously, so hard that instead of feeling more comfortable, it was as if I was putting myself in a little bottle. Then, I stopped writing and just chose to prioritize Math.

Meanwhile, while taking a break in writing and prioritizing Math, I was finally seeing the beauty of that ‘subject’. Little by little, it was not a simple subject anymore but an interest and then, a field which I am intertwining myself with. I don’t know when it started and when I was turning my world the opposite way but it was as if I woke up one day and realized that I am in love with Math, the subject I cursed and hate not so long ago. The realization and feeling was appropriate. After all, I was a Math major and to love the field which I am in will make my life less miserable. At least, if ever I face difficulties, there is a consolation that I love what I am doing so I’ll continue doing it even if it brings out the worst in me. While I was heading to the writing world and was looking forward to be a writer in any way, I u-turned to the opposite side which is to the numbers’ world and I was looking forward in being a Mathematician. Man, I am not in any drugs, really. It just so happen that my first and second love were opposite fields.

Now, I’m having a break from school. I am also planning to use this break to rest and rejuvenate, and bring back the passion I once lost. I’ll try my best not to try hard (what?!). I’ll try my best to stay inspired so that my posts will be a good-read in some ways and not full of heartaches or broken egos. I want to make this blog speak again, to make it contain all that I feel again and to be the catch-basin of all the memories which I never wanted to forget – the bad ones which hopefully made me wiser and the good ones which made my life worth-living. I want to breathe life into this blog again, but more importantly, I want that life to last. Because for the past months of silence, I learned that it is not about finding happiness and finding love. It is more of making those two last long, if not forever.

See you soon, blog-o-sphere!